#drag or die trivia and fun facts

[artificialgrinder]

Drag or Die: Trivia and fun facts, Part 4

Book 1

Adore and Co:

Bianca's backstore was too much at one stage. Like the two were actually expecting a baby. So when Bianca left her marriage, it hit 10 times more. So after the little boy was born and grew up, she started passing by his school almost everyday just to see his son because when else could he see him? (This is stalkery behaviour though and I don't indorse it.) And then I thought to make it even worse by making the kid blind so that, as much as Bianca would see him, the kid would never see her. But then it was just too much, in poor taste and cringy. So I decided to take the boy out of the equation completely.

Adore falling into the shark tank and being saved Bianca wasn't going to be in the fic. My friend actually helped me come up with that idea. But originally, the baddies in town would find their way into the aquarium and apprehend both Adore and Bianca. But Raja and the rest of the queens would come in and rescue them.

There was then this bonus scene in which the aquarium troop grieve their hideout and Ginger in a forest, and Adore goes off to find Bianca who is taking it the hardest. They bond over their emotions. But then along comes this fucking bear that tries to kill them. But Dela comes along and shoots the bear. ..... So random, I know. I think it's cause I was in love with the movie Annihilation at the time and that bear scene scared the shite out of me but I wanted to have scary shit happen in the fic too. So that's where that came from I guess.

[inkyminx]

I couldn’t resist so have a character that appears in most adaptations of JTTW cause I like the concept and that it’d be fun instead of sticking a character to one series.

Experimental & whatnot. R.I.P spine and sleep schedule BUT HEY— IT FUN.

Have Some Trivia ~

The name’s Kaihua Haizi!  开花孩子

Kai Zi for short.

Panamanian White-Face Capuchin.

Gay, He / Him

Is a mystic, not born from stone.

Born on Flower Fruit Mountain.

Be loyal or kneecaps be backwards, sassy, strong-willed, brutally honest, curious & aggressive.

May have broken someone’s bone in an arm wrestle. Or two. Or ten—

A singer & performer: mostly ballet & acrobatics.

Has some kind of romance or camaraderie with Wukong (depending on the version) & often a mentor for successors and young.

This guy will make a sh!t ton of movie references (mostly Emperor’s New Groove) .

Kind of a busy-body.

Pretty much an older sibling type/guidance for the younger monkeys in FFM.

That or the guy that trains said youngins and newcomers, often times the kiddos being dragged back by him unconscious later.

Is a tad older than Macaque and Wukong. (Headcanon: Don’t know if it’s proven, but to me- Macaque is older than Sun Wukong) (more related to LMK) .

Gained Immortality through witchcraft and that one time Wukong stole the longevity peaches.

Possesses appearance manipulation, flora & black magic.

Uses hairpins, needles & a Guandao-like blade.

Was burned with an iron as punishment by the Heavens for being connected to Wukong and taking part in his war against them (hence the mark on his chest) .

Will Lion King his own kid (MK, Destined One, Fruity & Chenxiang watch out) .

And for the adaptations, continue under the cut!

Mei Hou Wang

Was raised alongside Liu’er by the former king after losing his parents as an infant (Headcanon, not sure if proven) .

Nicknamed “Hua Hua” by Shihou right after meeting him.

In a kind of love triangle with Liu’er & Shihou as they got older.

It’s unknown how their ending will go but it remains lighthearted and fun regardless (fvck off Nine Headed B!tch) .

Close friends and dance partners with Yutu.

Accompanied Liu’er during his training with the deer master (more so to keep an eye on him/babysitting) .

May have spied on Liu’er much after noticing something was up after his first encounter with the Nine Headed demon (can’t remember his name, sorry) .

Definitely hung Ginseng on a tree branch a few times as discipline.

Likes to tease Havoc and the monkey generals for days on end.

Nicknames Shihou “Shidi” for fun.

Started wearing his hair with a braid after Liu’er started it one day while enjoying the sunshine.

Played a LOT of pranks on the generals as a cub.

Was born with the mark on his chest as a symbol to his power in flora in this version.

Was taught singing and dancing to “ease his buffoonery” by the former king.

Kinda went the other way but still kinda worked?

Owns a flower-made promise ring Shihou made for him.

~

LMK

Calls Macaque “Shidi” to mess with him in this version.

In their youth, Kai & Sun Wukong were in a relationship for a couple of years (basically a friends-to-lovers situation) .

PET NAMES ARE A TRADITION.

Introduced the shy Macaque to Wukong.

BOI this version’s chaotic tendencies go through the Heavens compared to the others (minus one) .

Was friends with the Brotherhood and often hung around together, getting drunk most times (minus Peng) .

Sorry Macaque, gonna have to drag TWO drunk primates back up the mountain this time.

Pranked tf out of Peng and lesser demons in his youth.

Got into an argument with Wukong right before the Brotherhood’s attack on the Heavens, leaving some strings torn.

“I’m not gonna stand on that battlefield and watch you die!”

Stayed with Macaque on FFM until his fight with the King.

Left FFM after his friends’ battle.

Now lives in the mountains of The Red-Buttocked Horse Monkey (Headcanon as seen in Sheng’s story) .

Plays a similar role to Macaque with MK in S1 but doesn’t try to uppercut the kid.

In fact, this guy is a pretty frequent customer of Pigsy’s Noodles before this but hid his history during that time.

Kinda.

Tang: YOUR THE MONKEY KING’S LOVER! 🤩 Kai: Ah sh!t, here we go again.

Makes up with Wukong after season 3, seeing him interact with MK and Macaque, and his change.

While not back together completely, the two go DAYS being menaces & buddy-buddy once more.

MK: Your technically my fifth dad, right?  Kai.exe Stopped Working.

~

Reborn

Is Sun Wukong’s close friend & comrade instead of pursuing a full relationship.

Appeared briefly in the town during their search, covering most of their face to hide themself.

Was caught by Fruity at one point in the town but the monkey not carefully shoved the baby in the pile of a vegetable stall.

Was hinted by Wukong when Fruity asked if he had someone waiting for him back home.

This guy is a lot more…mysterious & dark vibes in appearance than the usual chirpy but still holds that prankster/fun vibe.

Aside from that, there’s not much about him in the movie since he only appears in the background and is only mentioned verbally once.

~

1996

TBA

Will be created once I finally find a decent translation without signing for a subscription and whatnot.

~

Black Myth

Like most, Kai and Wukong were close comrades and eventually started a somewhat more intimate relationship before the Journey.

MANY years later, Kai plays a supporting role and guide for the destined one (similar to Zhu Bajie) .

In this version, Kai does appear as an elder (though not as much as the old monkey in the beginning) but does revert back to his true age near the end.

Age Appearance Manipulation do be like that.

Lost his right arm & left eye a period after Sun Wukong’s death.

Kai, to The Destined One: “When I was your age—“  Zhu Bajie: *repeats in spongebob mocking*

Despite not actually being able to be so GOD does this guy have a great time being an old man/monkey.

To Destined One: “FVCK ‘EM UP, SONNY!”

~

Havoc In Heaven / Lotus Lantern

This version doesn’t really do much in the story of both aside from what’s already been said, including an intimate relationship w/ Wukong, mentoring and taking care off the young monkeys, etc.

Their romance is more subtle in this version.

His design is more of a mix of the opera & ballet, but simplified to match the style of the animation.

If you thought LMK PeachSong (yea) was a chaotic pair, BOY LET ME TELL YA—

In the latter, Kai is sometimes seen either behind the lotus Wukong sits on doing his own thing (mostly just listening & basically giving off the “old married couple vibe” or being a guardian type to Chenxiang as he trains.

Grandpapi & Grandpapa be here wrecking so much havoc (badum chsss) .

[ricewater26]

Nick Sturniolo Best Friend Head Canons

Definitely spills the juiciest tea with you. Motherfucker this motherfucker that and a bunch of references to random shit to describe the person he's talking about

Man goes CRAZY for your birthday. Like he's planning a big party, he's buying the cake, helping you find the birthday outfit. Just hyping you up the whole day, he wants it to be perfect for you.

If you're having a bad day, he's trying his best to make you smile. Wether that's being dramatic or turning on your favorite show (even if he wants to watch RuPaul's Drag Race), he's got you covered.

You're spending the night at their house? Obviously, you stay in Nick's room, and lets just say, you're not getting an OUNCE of sleep. You guys are up all night playing fortnight, jamming out to music, or making each other laugh over stupid shit, but you are NOT sleeping.

Y'all play Just Dance every once and while for funsies.

Matching Pajamas. No further explanation needed.

Nick's definitely going to look after you like a sister. If it's cold outside, he's not letting you go without a jacket. If you've barely eaten, he's asking Matt to take everyone out to eat. If he feels like you've had too much to drink at a party, he's making sure your safe. He cares about your well being so much.

Any time you tell this man good news, I feel like he has the cutest reactions. Definitely has the hugest smile on his face and doing a little happy dance in his chair

If he happens to start talking about you in one of their videos this man has a LIST of things he wants to say about you. Things he loves about you and random fun facts combined:

"She has the tiniest little snore, like imagine a smurf snoring, that's what she sounds like"

"OMG and she'd die for Stranger Things. If you think your a die hard fan, she'd make you feel like a FOOL whose never even heard of the fucking show in a Trivia match. "

" She's so easy to talk to about literally ANYTHING. I feel like I could tell her I wanted to transform into one of the fucking Paw Patrol dogs and she'd be like "AS YOU SHOULD".

" I know I've been talking about her a lot, but seriously, words can't even describe how much I love and appreciate her. Y/N IF YOUR WATCHING THIS I LOVE YOUUU."

[shilo-sumac]

New Pinned Hello Hi!!!!!

last edited 5/16/25 (Small edits for clarity + links to arcs)

Shattered Echo Part Two Summary done~

Part Three start date: *shrugs*

im Shilo hiiiiiii hello hi hi! she/they please! im somewhere in my 20s i think. welcome to my blog, i hope we can be friends!!!! :D im a ride or die guy if we become friends you can count on me forever n always!!!!! sometimes i give nicknames to people so that i don't risk forgetting them. heres my roommate alistair!!!!

... Why have I been dragged to the Computer. She did not tell me what I was to write here. An introduction I presume? I suppose I can try? I am called Alistair. I do not plan on talking much. I owe Shilo and help when I can. The Pokemon do not like me much, so usually that entails me going on shopping trips. He/Him. Just some boring Man. Is this Good enough Shilo?

... yeah thats fine, okay continuing my about:

originally, this blog was just going to be about my rehabilitation center, but interacting with other people was just too fun! plus i suck at keeping my mouth shut.

sooo about me, i guess! after winning the sinnoh championship, i got my pokemon science degree and "retired" to rehabilitate pokemon for a living on a private island off the coast of sinnoh, i nurse abandoned or injured pokemon back to health and help them return to the wild or find their forever homes 💜 hmu if you ever wanna adopt somn!

i love infodumping about pokemon facts. please ask me how to take care of pokemon ill love you forever.

oh uhm, i should probably warn ya... i may get mood swings... and im really sorry if they bother anyone, i uh... might have a mental illness or two.

Here's My Trainer Cards! [Old and New, respectively]

Urtle, Monarch, Bess, Gadzooks, Bane and Bianca!

Rin, Spooky!, Bianca, Gadzooks, Bane and Mym!

Hello hello! Welcome to my oc's blog. They really needed a new pinned since the old one was really long winded. I'm Ri! No pronouns or it/they! I admittedly still am figuring stuff out here but I think I'm doing well! Follows and likes will come from @ridragon. Pleaaaase come talk to me if I ever do something you don't like or accidentally break a boundary, I won't know unless you tell me! I love interactions of all kinds, feel free to send asks and reblog with comments. Or send me compliments. I like those too. :3c Always open to make new friends here.

NOTE: Shilo's blog will have themes of death, delusions, depression and injuries (both self inflicted and by others), doubt of personhood/humanity, and disassociation.

Shilo suffers from delusions and therefore is not a reliable narrator when it comes to information about herself, her mental state, or her physical well being. Something doesn't quite line up.

FURTHERMORE: The line between delusion and what's actually happening to her can and will be very thin at times.

Her mood swings may cause her to go from sillyblogging to rage and threats to depression and back to silly again, though she's mainly my silly gorl it's fun to explore on occasion.

Things tagged as "memento" are plot or character relevant. ;3

Boundaries: Uhhhh, can't really think of much atm. I have good friends who are minors who I don't wanna alienate, so no explicit nsfw (jokes are alright, which will be tagged as "suggestive.") This section may be updated if I realize something makes me uncomfortable in the future. Mod and muse are both adults.

Links to important things:

[World Info and Muse Trivia]

[Frequently Used Tags]

[Finished Arcs w/ Linked Summaries]

List of Pokémon + Minibios

Reference!

[akirenhell]

Devilman OC: Azrael, the angel of death

SO AFTER AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIME, I've finally decided to make a post about one of my most developed OCs I've had. (who is also related to Devilman. How surprising.)

Before starting, however, I wanna give a huge shout-out to @missn11 and @amyfartsart for the wonderful drawings they did of my boy. Seriously, go check out their art if you're also a Devilman fan. They're both a joy to talk to. ^w^

As the title suggests, Azrael is the angel of death in the Devilman world, with his main job being appeasing dying souls and then guide them to the afterlife; be it Heaven, Purgatory or Hell. It should be worth noticing that the angel is the "unnoficial" ruler of Hell as well (since he's related to Ryo/Satan), so he also makes sure to keep everything under control in the land of the damned. At least, as much as he can help it.

Despite his gloomy appearance and quiet nature, Azrael is a kind and sweet person. He’s always willing to help people, and he’s quite friendly as well. So much so he's even able to befriend demons of all beings, besides just humans, which makes sense considering everyone is equal in death’s eyes. He’s also incredibly curious, to the point that almost becomes a fatal flaw for him considering it can get him into danger.

However, Azrael isn’t as innocent as he seems. He can be quite cocky when he wants to, and despite being a silent dude, he’s a surprisingly strong angel in battle. So much to the point he became a rather feared fighter for demonkind. He’s overall a rather lovable dork, so long as you don’t get on his bad side.

While his main job as an angel of death is to appease dying souls, he doesn't always gives the same treatment to the souls of rotten, corrupted people. In fact, they might get something worse and more terrifying coming from Azrael before he drags them to Hell with him.

On the same topic, Azrael has a bit of a dislike for “unnecessary death”, especially when it comes to wars or politics that bring more bad than good when it comes to humanity or demons. Even more so if it is something that can be easily avoidable. He also has a strong dislike towards injustice, and will call out those who genuinely oppress someone with their ignorance. He’s not even afraid to be brutally honest with them.

~~Little bit of backstory and fun facts about Azrael in readmore~~

Powers and abilities:

-Being able to fly

-Superhuman strength

-Incredibly quick healing/regenerative abilities

-Can teleport himself

-Invisibility

-Can lend some of his powers to anyone by just handing them a feather

-Cannot die

-Facial distortion

-Shapeshifting

-Telepathy

-Merging with a living being and allowing them to use his powers

Trivia:

-Azrael got most of his fighting abilities thanks to the demon champion Amon taking him under his care.

-While Azrael can fight bare hands, he tends to use his whips most of the time, with one made out of leather and the other made out of silver. (Think of it like something from Castlevania). He also has a scythe, but oddly enough, he doesn’t use it in battles that often.

-Azrael actually has a castle in Hell, which is located in the first circle of Hell known as Limbo. It’s called Pandemonium, and a few demons live there with him.

-He has three demon familiars. A goblin, a pixie and an imp. They're his most trusted allies and they're based on the horsemen of the apocalypse. (Besides death).

-Since Azrael can shapeshift, he can turn into a crow or a black cat.

-Azrael’s bodily temperature is incredibly cold, which not only allows him to travel around the hottest spots in Hell with very little problem, but it also allows him to eat the spiciest of foods you could ever think of.

-Huge video game nerd.

-While Azrael genuinely cares about humans and thinks they’re interesting, there is some stuff about them that he can’t help but find weird. An example would be why they are so obsessed with the meaning of life, why some of them need to follow a religion, things like that.

-He’s a surprisingly decent cook, and has occasionally cooked demon meat before.

-He sometimes uses his whips to fish.

-Azrael possesses the terrifying ability of being able to distort his own face, which he can use to make the most scary of expressions that look like something straight out of the Mandela Catalogue. Some demons are genuinely horrified by this ability of his.

-Azrael keeps a journal where he writes down information about demons. It also has a few silly doodles of demons as well, as some sort of reference picture for each one.

-While Azrael cannot die by any means, the only way that he could be killed would be if it was done by his own hand.

Backstory:

While living in Heaven, Azrael was a bit of an outcast amongst the angels due to his gloomy appearence and quiet nature, with Satan being one of the few who he talked to. The two angels developed a brotherly bond between each other as time went on.

After getting the job of angel of death, it didn't take too long for Azrael to discover the existence of the demons, which was a frightening discovery as he ended up losing an arm during an ambush. Thankfully, it grew back thanks to his healing abilities, and despite the horror that shook him to his very core and the pain inflicted on his body, Azrael's morbid curiosity desired to know more about the demons.

With only his heart and instinct to guide him through, Azrael would continue with his job of reaping souls while living in the brutal world of the demons, gaining allies and enemies along the way. He even encounters Satan once more, who's now the main ruler of the demons, and the two decide to keep in contact with each other.

However, thanks to the violent and raunchy nature of the demons, Heaven's ruler, God, decides to destroy them by sending several angels to Earth in an attempt to hunt them down, with the attacks becoming more and more frequent as time goes by. It gets so intense to the point Satan has to request Azrael if he would join the demons’ side so that he could aid them in the war.

Unfortunately, due to a mix of fear and hesitation of wanting to hurt his divine siblings, Azrael has to decline the offer; and while it pains Satan, he somewhat understands his decision. However, the three-headed demon Zennon (one of Satan’s second in command) isn’t pleased at all by this and angrily declares Azrael a traitor of demonkind, something a lot of demons end up believing as well. Considering he isn’t longer welcome there, the angel ultimately ends up leaving in exile.

While Azrael still doesn’t end up joining the battle and remains neutral to both the forces of Heaven and the demons, he still tries to aid the demons in any way he can by building shelters where the weaker or smaller demons can hide from the war. All while he focuses on collecting the souls of the dead demons, and witnessing just how brutal his siblings have become by mindlessly destroying what was once a chaotic yet beautiful world.

Eventually, Azrael is taken back to Heaven after he has been found out helping the demons, and after a rather heated argument with God, the angel of death ends up being trapped in a void of darkness that leads him to Hell; the afterlife of the demons and the enemies of Heaven.

Once the war is over, and with the demons (alongside Satan) buried bunder the ice to gather strength, Azrael gets free again; still quite affected over what happened. In fact, he barely talks to God and his other angelic siblings at this point, spending more time on Earth collecting souls and even in Hell or the void, for he no longer feels safe in the realm of Heaven.

From here on, the events of Devilman take place. Something Azrael ends up witnessing on every detail, including how the human Akira Fudo became a devilman thanks to his friend Ryo Asuka (who Azrael quickly assumes is actually Satan taking the form of a human), his battles with several demons…And the tragic end of the world by the demons revealing themselves to humanity, driving them insane with paranoia, and with the demons and devilmen going through a war with no winner.

Things would get worse as not only Akira ends up dying, but Azrael eventually finds out about the timeloop God has put Satan through as punishment for what he did thousands of years ago.

Obviously, due to his fear, Azrael at first tries to stay out of this; thinking Satan deserved such a fate upon him. However, the longer the time loop continues, and the more suffering he sees, the angel starts to realize just how utterly cruel this punishment is. It doesn’t help that, loop after loop, Satan starts to become more jaded and emotionally exhausted, to the point Azrael is worried his brother could become an empty shell of his past self.

Once he realizes just how utterly despicable this is, Azrael finally makes his choice: to finally stop God from putting his creation under such a vicious cycle of self destruction, even if it means he has to kill the being he once called “father” to free Satan, Akira, the demons and all of humanity.

[spiderlilyvalley]

If you're interested in the makings of this piece, I have a few bits of trivia about some of the elements in it. One of my favorite things to do in all of my art is incorporate religious imagery, which becomes pretty clear by the last two panels LOL.

Anyway, I want to go ahead and start with Simon's design-- he's made to represent Jesus, so I wanted to incorporate his brown skin, long black hair, and skinny body to represent the image of Jesus as a young boy. Another aspect of Simon is his connection to the nature of the island, and the fact that his skin has slight crosshatching emphasizes the blend between himself and the world around him.

One of the parts that I'm like "hehe im so artsy" about is Simon's leaf crown. Instead of having a crown of thorns, as Jesus has, he has a leaf crown. Both of them represent essentially the same thing, however; mental anguish and being doomed to die. Thorns are only added at the very end, after his eyes turn dull like the Lord of the Flies'.

A strand of hair goes in the middle of Simon's face to separate his extremely bright eyes from each other-- he is split down the middle of himself, battling his spirituality and his desire to appear more human, and therefore more likeable in the eyes of the boys. That or I liked how it looked.

Anyway, some fun little easter eggs: On page 7, on the left side with the Lord of the Flies, the intestines turn into a double headed snake, a symbol of duality and wisdom. These reappear in page 9 and 11 as Simon's hallucinations get worse.

On page 15, there are small black dots on Simon's body. These are obviously the flies, but they are also where Jesus is nailed when he is put on the cross. The hands, the feet, and the chest. I thought making that panel look like a crucifixion would be too on the nose, so I thought having upturned hands, a common sign for repentance, would be alright too.

Page 16 has Simon passed out at the bottom of the panel. This is a direct reference to the statue, "Jesus Is Laid in the Tomb," which has been recreated a lot.

The reason I didn't put the lord of the flies in the middle of his body, as the angel is, is because he represents the devil, and therefore is not at his side-- he is wanting to drag Simon into hell by the feet.

Another fun little easter egg is that the butterflies only reappear in the last panel, drinking Simon's sweat. That poor guy! Anyway, thought it would be fun to give a little insight on some of the things I did in this piece... yippie

Simon's Conversation With The Lord of the Flies

Definitely not my usual content, but I thought I'd share to tumblr too.

This was done without any planning/layouts, with only pen. It's very experimental because I was experimenting with different ways of shading and comic panel layout so... bare with me there.

I love Simon very much, and the interaction between him and the LOTF is my favorite scene of the entire book. I made this in a week long frenzy for my AP Lit class and... well, here it is.

(Also, sorry for any formatting/text issues, it's very hard to take good pictures of warped paper...) 🪰 🐷

[tradgediesofthehosts]

Oh crap, it’s Schmitty’s birthday? Better post this now Disclaimer:Yes, I know Schmitty most likely looks a lot like his Voice actor, but I’m taking creative liberty into his design that would probably change later on. I don’t draw Schmitty as often as I draw [REDACTED], so the design sheet isn’t really great. Anyway, let’s get to his story in this AU.

TW:Kidnapping and Unlawful Human Experimentation(I don’t know if that stresses anyone to the point of needing a trigger warning, but be warned)

-Josh “Schmitty” Schmitistein (I hope I spelled his last name right) was born and raised in Chicago in the 1970′s

-Before being a YDKJ host, he breifly worked at a phone network company (This fact was based off of his voice actor voicing the AT&T customer service bot look it up)

-When he heard his rival from highschool was working for the show, he joined out of spite

-Spite never even imagining being famous at all, hosting the TV edition of YDKJ got a lot of attention, which put a target on his back.

-Before Vol 3, a group of illegal scientists kidnaped him (and a few other small celebrities) in order to test their Quiplash serum in order to artificially create magic and figure out how desperate does one have to be to be funny 

-They did this by turning them into quips and having comedy competitions and the winner get’s food, the loser is more likely to die of starvation.

-A few months in, Schmitty figures out how to completely control Quiplash, and escaped to Cookies house, and called 911.

-The police search the abandoned lab and found the only survivors were the earliest tests of quips that lost all humanity, the others that were there were either killed or taken somewhere else.

-Schmitty, reluctantly took them in order for them to have a chance to turn back into a human in the future

-In the mean time, Schmitty discovered that he can change one of his hands into a quip form, he can defy gravity in his quip form(as in if he jumps mid transformation, he doesn’t fall down), he is pretty much indestructible in his quip form, and being in the quip form for long periods of time hurts....a lot

-In YDKJ:The Ride, when he fell to the bottom, he hit his shoulder on a rusty piece of metal, causing horrific scarring. (don’t worry, he got a tetanus shot afterwards.

-After hosting a few more YDKJ shows, he realized it wasn’t working out for him so he retired and just read sponserships.

-He also picked up videogame dev as a hobby, when he thought of an idea.

-As a big fat “Fuck You” to the people in charge, he made a non-serious videogame based off of the event called well Quiplash. 

-When the game went viral, he quit completely and focused more on being a game designer.

-Around the time the sequel came out, he, Cookie, and his writer friend, Spencer Ham, met up again a year after YDKJ’s final season, meeting a government official Adal.Thus began Trivia murder party.

-Out of the 4 hosts he wasn’t very good at it, nearly got caught a couple of times, thankfully Adal erased any evidence.

-In 2018, Binjpipe came to ask him and Cookie about hosting a YDKJ reboot, he declined being more intrested in being a game designer. That was the second to last time he ever saw Cookie again (for now, the very last time will be explained in Cookies story)

-About a year later, he was dragged into a shadow portal all the way to the recentally opened Hotel in Germany. 

-[REDACTED] casually kidnaps him and he decided , in order to help his friend out he should create a TMP specific version of quiplash.

Now some fun facts about him

-He was medically diagnosed with Intermittened Explosive Disorder aka Anger issues.

-He is Bisexual with a preference for woman and uses He/Him pronouns

-He’s been through 2 divorces in his life time

-His and Cookie’s rivalry has the same energy as Dj Grooves and Conducter’s rivalry in a hat in time(minus the possible bird racism or any racism really), so yeah, they are very fruity

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 502

Watched this episode after winning Wynonna Earp trivia (fuck yeah, The Shit Tickets!) at a bar, put on by a queer af podcast, followed by going to see a queer af movie, and was all ready to get my Beauchamp fix... And it was like oh here’s a taste and a hint that we’re gonna end up in a story line similar to what we’ve already done multiple times, but now on to the menfolk.

For real though, this episode was like an OL greatest hits clip show. It had all the stuff we’ve seen before. A time traveler who wants to go home? Check. Rape PTSD? Check. A man being a dad to a kid who isn’t/might not be his? Check. That same man being the absolute worst? Check. Claire being reckless with future medicine? Check. Townsfolk questioning Claire’s medical knowledge in favor of the local Man of Importance? Check. Jamie trying to be on both sides at once? Check. A villain who seemed to have died the previous season and should have fucking stayed dead? Check.

We’ve literally seen all of this stuff before.

For a show that spent the first part of season two claiming to be a political drama and then last season claiming that they “weren’t political” I see we’re back to just leaning hard into politics that have direct parallels today.

No fucks left to give about the system Murtz is kind of my favorite Murtz. Like this dude spent his whole life living by a code and an oath and was fucked over by the system so many fucking times that he’s ready to just burn it all down. Curious to see how they walk the domestic terrorist vs. freedom fighter line with him for the rest of the season.

Got all excited about the bread title card because yay medicinal mold, but of course, the lead character was relegated to the B story.

Old timey medicine baffles me. Like the fact that bleeding someone was like a catchall remedy boggles the mind.

I feel rull bad for Mrs. Whoeverthefuck though. She tried.

Also, shit like this makes me be like, yo Claire, you sure you wanna stay here? Jamie’s really not all that and a bag of chips. But you do you, boo.

Speaking of Jamie, his hair looks really good. A thousand fruit baskets to the new wig person.

Lulz at Knox thinking the Gathering was about being loyal to king and country. Dummy.

Srsly though, Murtz Valmurtz is really getting under their skin. Is he like the *only* Regulator leader?

The convo between Knox and Jamie is literally as relevant today as it is in the 1770s. But yeah, the show IsN’t PoLiTiCaL.

The fact that fuckers think those at the bottom should be happy with their lot because “lol it could be worse” need to be punched in the face and taken out of power. Stat.

Also any time someone in power talks about civility as a reason not to rise up against injustice, I want to punch them. Because they deserve it.

I want to punch a lot of things.

This whole episode is very Les Mis, tbh.

Literalol at Claire covering dead guy’s face and not his body cavity before Bree comes in.

Aw Bree, why you gotta be a buzzkill? We were cheated of badass Doctor!Claire in S3. Let us have this.

Also, yeah, Claire, Bree’s fucking right. Which you’d think you’d know by now what with alL THE FUCKING TIMES YOU’VE BEEN CALLED A WITCH. AND NOW YOU’RE UPPING YOUR GAME TO LIKE NECROMANCY?!

Also the more she says no one will find out the more annoying it is because *clearly* someone *is* gonna find out and we’re gonna be back on the “she’s a witch!” “I’m not a witch!” “you literally have a dead guy in your closet!” merry-go-round again.

Today in most on-the-nose shots ever: How convenient that Marsali just happens to be doing some butchering right there, right then.

Petition for the show to go full Shondaland and just turn into a backwoods medical drama with Claire and Marsali, and all the others (cough the men cough) can fuck on off.

Tarring and feathering is like the old timey version of #AlwaysPunchAFascist but dialed to 11.

Oh the baggage behind Jamie saying redcoat man will someday wear his scars with honor that none of these fuckers know about...

Ok so clearly the English know that Claire’s a doctor so whenever shit hits the witchy dead dude fan, can we please have a quick resolution and not that dumb af “Claire goes to jail and of course her cellmate is a lesbian because Diana sucks at writing queer characters” nonsense?

Man Jamie is *not* subtle with this convo at the jail. Like Knox is right there and he’s just like hey buddies, I have people and we’re Scottish and y’know how we feel about protecting people vs. obeying the English.

I AM SPARTACUS FITZGIBBONS!

Aaand, naturally, the fuckwit preaching civility is the one to kill a man in cold blood. Rise up, motherfuckers. Rise up.

THANK FUCK ROGER IS A TERRIBLE SHOT BECAUSE IF THAT SQUIRREL DIED I WOULD LEGIT QUIT THE SHOW. RUN AWAY AND BE FREEEEEE YOU PRECIOUS LIL WILDERNESS FLOOFER!

Roger is, and I cannot stress this enough, the fucking worst.

He’s like look how shitty I am at being a soldier but then bitches about having to try to learn. And then he bitches about how dumb it is to shoot at squirrels as if being able to hit a squirrel wouldn’t make hitting a much larger thing, like a man who is shooting back at you, that much easier. And also, how the fuck does he think they get meat to eat? Shooting it, you twatwaffle.

And he’s like so fucking butthurt about being left behind. Like no shit, asshat. You’re bad at being in the past and have made no real effort and you whine a lot and are generally the worst. Of *course* you were left behind. Stop being emo about it and maybe actually try.

“He doesn’t respect me, Bree.” Yeah, no shit. Because you’ve done LITERALLY NOTHING to earn his respect. WHY ARE YOU SO TERRIBLE IT’S LIKE THEY’RE INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO MAKE HIM SUCK.

He also is like butthurt that his wife is a better shot than him when she gets the turkey he misses. How the fuck are we supposed to ship this. Ugh.

#BreeDeservesBetter

Oh Bree, sweetie, Jem won’t get hit by a car, but there are like eleventy million ways to die in the past. Just stick with the “you want to stay with your family” stuff.

Roger clearly doesn’t want to stay and is gonna pull a Fred and make Bree feel bad about wanting to all season, isn’t he. Fahkin’ doucherocket.

“I want to go but I’ll stay for you and look how magnanimous I am as I whine about it and make no effort to acclimate to the time.” Take your martyr card and shove it, Rog.

Shorter Jamie Fraser: “If you stand for nothing, Knox, what’ll you fall for?”

I’m already over Roger singing all the time tbh. Mostly because it reminds me that soon he won’t be able to do that anymore and we’re gonna be subjected to like half a season of him being more insufferable than he already is.

Wait, was Joan already born last episode? Or was there another time jump? Is Marsali preggers with baby #3? I lost track.

I love this scene between Claire and Marsali with my whole heart. Marsali especially.

CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE A WHOLE SHOW OF THESE TWO BEING ALL BADASS AND DOCTORY TOGETHER!?

Although, quick question, how fucking long is Claire planning to keep that un-embalmed body lying around in an un-refrigerated surgery/root cellar? Just curious...

Because you know someone’s gonna find it eventually and that’s gonna be a whole to do and I really need to stop being preemptively annoyed at plot lines that haven’t actually happened yet.

And with all this talk of plowshares and swords, I really am going to be singing Les Mis for days...

How long have these biddies been living on the Ridge? The fucking Leoch folks spent like a minute with Claire before they were like yep, she knows what’s up. These folks have apparently been here for months and are like loool, pass. They live in the fucking woods. You’d think they’d be more open to Claire’s brand of medicine.

Omg are they like the accidental antivaxxers of the Ridge?

#VaccinateYourFuckingKids

I mean, Bree, I think there’s some difference between Claire pretending to be a dude doc and telling folks to wash their hands and Otter Tooth.

Season 2 Claire and Otter Tooth on the other hand...

Ok so Jamie needs more men so that means next week is AHS: Beardsley Farm and then maybe (hopefully) instead of being like lol jk you can all go home, it actually goes right into the battle thing. Still not sure if they’re gonna do Roger getting hanged as the mid-season big thingy and then do the Bonnet nonsense in the back half or keep trying to do both of those at once.

Hey, Roger, pro-tip, next time you see Morag MacKenzie, maybe don’t fuCKING MAKE OUT WITH HER YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

Claire’s totally right about how they should go back. Honestly, they should. But instead of talking with her like Claire is now with Roger, he’s just being all moody about how he’s bad at the past and wants to go back. You’re shooting yourself in the foot, broski.

Oh hey Husband the Quaker. And is that a fellow Quaker named Hunter with him? Are we gonna get Denny and Rachel this season?! Please and thank you that’d be great, I love them.

Murtz talking to his squad is full on Enjolras being like don’t worry fam, Marius will stand and fight with us. His place is there, he’ll fight with you.

The two very different but very similar ways Murtz and Jamie approach being Laird of their squads is fun to explore.

Bree lecturing Claire about changing the future by saving a few backwater hicks like Claire didn’t spend years trying to fucking change all of Scottish history is a bit rich. Like writers, we get it, you’re trying to be like oh snap, wait for the consequences of this bread!science! But like come the fuck on. We sat through all of season two.

“You’re a good dad, you know that?” Oh man, I’m getting that déjà vu about a shitty man getting kudos for being a good dad to a kid as if that negates all of his shittiness.

Oh hey, Bonnet’s back. Clearly we couldn’t have just let him die last season. Gotta drag shit on for longer than it has to. This is the [Outlander] Way.

If they were gonna keep him around as a villain, they shouldn’t have (in addition to all the other reasons) included him raping Bree. Jamie, Murtagh and Bonnet all making choices within and outside of the law to various degrees in order to make their living in the Colonies would be a really interesting contrast. But nope, gotta just go all in. BeCaUsE tHe BoOk.

Also I hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns the Jemmy’s paternity stuff. Le sigh.

Remember in season one when the show was about Claire and she was in episodes for longer than 10 minutes?

I miss Claire.

[artificialgrinder]

Drag or Die: Trivia and fun facts, Part 3

Book 1 & 2

The Red Lights:

April and Kandy were both infamous throughout the country for killing men and stealing their shit.

They weren’t dragged to the club (which was never called the Red Lights) but came across it themselves. Infiltrating the place, they’re then captured by the owners who are Smoke and his guys. Smoke got his name cause I couldn’t think of anything at first but at the time I was playing GTA SA, and I liked the name ‘Big Smoke’, so I stole it and changed it to Papa Smoke. That makes him sound cool though, and smoke ain’t cool.

There was no Vince or Jude at first. Nor was there the $10 cannibalism story either.

At first, it was Smoke who was the creep, not Jude, and his target was Miz Cracker. Then I was like nah, Cracker would kick his ass. So then we chose Aquaria instead. By we, I mean me and my other personality. I do remember in the escape plan, Cracker still went to take the keys, but not by sneaking into Smoke’s office. But because he was obsessed with Aquaria, she’d try to seduce Smoke, like, “Hey, you can’t get the one you want but I look like her so at least it’s something.” She’s reach into his pocket while he’s making out with her, try to take his keys, but he would catch her.

There were also many more S10 queens in this group such as Mayhem, Monique, Asia Kalorie, Yuhua and I think that was it. But it was too many to write. Most of them died in the end too which left the remaining Red Lights queens we saw now.

Also there were no performances. But I thought, hey this is a fic about drag queens. Where’s the lip syncing?

PS. There was also a very early version in which there was Craquaria. I still have the smut scene. I wrote them back when I barely knew about those two. Don’t even think I was really watching S10 too. I just knew it was a popular ship at the time and wanted the views babyyyyyy! Ugh, fuck that. That makes me uncomfy.

[tyrantisterror]

Revenge of the ATOM Create a Kaiju Contest: ENTRY ROUNDUP!

Twenty three wonderful monsters were submitted by twenty three wonderful people to the second ATOM Create a Kaiju Contest.  Let’s give them all their due before the winners are announced, shall we?  Just as with last time, I went ahead and sketched them all, because I’m a masochist who enjoys hurting his carpal tunnel ridden hand, and because I feel like it gives every monster a fair shake.

@bugcthulhu starts us off with Rohobaron, a hot-headed retrosaur/crocodile chimera that can superheat his body to ignite the landscape and incinerate enemies with a touch.  Despite the fairly nasty powers, Rohobaron actually has a somewhat sweet personality, being quick to make friends and staunchly loyal to his allies, though his short fuse can also make him drag his friends into danger.

Design-wise, Rohobaron’s got a very solid concept, with those dynamic fuckoff-big arms and horns  being the most obvious selling points, along with little dashes of character like the gharial lump on his nose and the heavily armored plates on his chest.  You wouldn’t confuse him with the other retrosaur kaiju in the series, that’s for sure.  The idea of a monster this burly and gnarly looking being a sweetheart is the kind of “appearances can be decieving” thing that ATOM thrives on, and giving a kaiju powers that reflect its personality (in this case, hot-headedness = heat powers) is always cool.  There are some minor continuity issues with the bio given what’s going to happen in ATOM Vol. 2, but Rohobaron doesn’t lose points for not reading a book that isn’t fully written yet.  All in all, a wonderful submission!

@akitymh is next with Charlotte, a retrosaur of the herbivorous persuasion.  Exactly what clade of herbivorous retrosaur it belongs to is intentionally unclear, as Charlotte has a thagomizer like an armored goliath, but also shares some quirks with horned goliaths, despite lacking horns itself.  A missing link, perhaps?  She’s also unusually large for an ATOM kaiju, which suggests she’s been around for a long time - reinforced by her calm and sometimes protective nature, as the older kaiju tend to be less fight-focused than the young ones in ATOM.

Charlotte’s design is very interesting, and I like the idea of having some retrosaurs who don’t quite fit into any one given clade - it makes it more like real life taxonomy to have some oddballs here and there.  Her smattering of armor plates gives her and interesting look, and I like how her long hind legs allow her to go bipedal as well as walk on all fours.  Her neutral personality also makes her stand out among the mostly fight-happy monsters of ATOM.  All in all, a solid entry!

We continue the prehistoric theme with @ariccio50‘s marvelous armored retrosaur, Scolosurtr!  An genetically modified armored goliath, Scolosurtr’s most prominent features, as you have no doubt noticed, are the two massive yet hollow spikes on his back, which are connected to the kaiju’s two massive hearts and occasionally shoot projectiles when he’s pissed (though this is painful for the reptile to do).  Scolosurtr can superheat his blood as a defensive mechanism, which in turn allows him to melt the ice that often clings to his body in the frosty countries he tends to roam.  The armored monster is very easily stressed out, particularly by his fellow kaiju, and will even bite his tail in an attempt to calm down.

Scolotsurtr’s design is rad as hell - I love a giant monster that looks like a mountain, and the mini-volcano shaped shoulder spikes are such a cool pokeon-esque design feature (I say that as high praise).  His icy, antisocial personality is a fun contrast with his fiery look, and the personality tick of biting his own tail to calm down is a very endearing quirk.  Also, can we appreciate how wide this fella is?  Just an absolute unit.  His powerset allows him to stand out from the mostly tooth and claw fighters of ATOM, while still being balanced thanks to the pain it causes him to use it.  A very well rounded entry!

@scatha5 brings us our fourth entry, the enormous armadillo Rerradon!  Shy but willing to fight when backed into a corner, Rerradon is a formidable enemy when roused, with thick armor keeping him well defended and enough claws and spikes to make other monsters rethink their choice to attack him.

Mammalian kaiju are, as many have noted, very rare, and Rerradon is an excellent contribution to their small but growing ranks.  I’m a sucker for armadillos too, and Rerradon keeps all the traits I love about them while still having a unique and monstrous look to him.  My favorite detail on this fella, though, is one of his alternate names - “Dracula’s Weird Dog.”  Why?  Well, because of the fact it references some obscure monster movie trivia - both in the 30′s when the Bela Lugosi Dracula first came out, and the 50′s when it was prominently re-released, armadillos were not a particularly well known creature, and would have been considered exotic and strange by most Americans.  As a result, the film-makers of Dracula put an armadillo in the vampire’s haunted castle, banking on viewers thinking it was some sort of strange monster.  And, at the time, it works - most people who saw the film had no idea what the strange lizard rat thing was, though I imagine anyone living in the Southwest probably wondered why the hell an armadillo was in Transylvania.  Obscure references to monster movie minutia are exactly ATOM’s jam!

Our next monster is @quinnred‘s flying saucer mimic, Mogul!  An enormous descendent of the sea cucumber, Mogul needs both Yamaneon radiation and water to survive, and causes a great deal of chaos in the process of feeding until scientists realize dehydration can drive the creature away,  While too simple in nature to exhibit much of a personality, Mogul’s mysterious nature and accidental imitation of interstellar travelers allows it to leave a mark nonetheless.

An incredibly clever design that I wasn’t quite skilled enough to capture in my sketch (you should always check out the links to the originals here, folks), Mogul is tailor made to a great 1950′s style monster story.  You have the initial mystery with an inherent red herring built into it (i.e. everyone thinking the creature is initially a UFO), the startling discovery of what we’re really dealing with, and a creative solution that scientists come upon when studying the monster’s biology.  While Mogul’s simple nature means it might have trouble in a kaiju vs. kaiju story, it’s incredibly well suited to a stand alone tale, the kind that could really flesh out ATOM’s giant monster crisis.

@cerothenull brings us our first big arthropod, Acanpetax the enormous assassin bug!  A gnarly insect that wears the bones of kaiju its killed as armor, Acanpetax is a cruel and vicious hunter of its fellow monsters, though over time its vicious ways soften.

Kaiju bones turn to Yamaneon when they die, and Yamaneon crystals are shaped in a way that would give them a very coarse, spiky texture (if my muddied memories of Geology 101 are correct, anyway), making the insect’s armor even more evil-looking, which is great for a monster that (initially) plays a Heel role.  This guy has the makings of a great villain monster, and I like that, in ATOM fashion, he still manages to get a heroic turn over time, especially the implication in his bio that it comes from communicating with the spirit of the snake monster whose skull he currently wears as a hat.  It’s delightfully weird!  A big bug with a solid visual to work off of and a great role and character arc baked into his personality, Acanpetax is a strong contender!

(no seriously you really need to check out the original postings, my sketch here does not do this fella justice)

@evolutionsvoid also shows ATOM’s big bugs some love by bringing the fungus infested Megaria into their ranks!  Originally a larval cicada that was parasitized (and likely to die) by a fungus, Megaria’s sudden transformation into a kaiju brought her into a more balanced symbiosis with her parasite.  Neither an attacker or a protector, Megaria is a spectator of kaiju fights, and will eagerly watch her fellow giants battle without participating herself.  She is a force to be reckoned with when backed into a corner, though, as Megaria’s fungal growths have given her a variety of sound-based abilities, many of which she is not fully in control of.

It hasn’t been touched on in ATOM much yet, but plants and fungi are affected by Yamaneon radiation in a very similar manner as animal life, and Megaria presents a fun opportunity to explore that.  The idea of a parasite and its victim becoming partners post-mutation is really interesting, and Megaria’s design is just as interesting to look at as its concept is to think about.  Her fungal symbiote also gives her a great number of unique powers and abilities to make any fight scenes she’d be in unique, while her personality as a kaiju spectator allows her to stand out (I can see her making cameos in other stories as a background monster).  Another solid contender for the contest!

@highly-radioactive-nerd takes us back to the past with the helmeted retrosaur Tsunoking!  Technically a paleo tyrant, Tsunoking sports several defensive adaptations that are similar to those sported by many herbivorous retrosaurs as well, though perhaps his most notable adaptation is the crown of horns that gives him his name (see, he’s pointing to it in my sketch!  It’s a nice crown.).  A proud but honorable monster, Tsunoking is a powerful fighter who prefers to fight similarly powerful foes, and is also rather fastidious when it comes to personal hygiene.

I love the chimeric mix of features here - the dragon-y snout, the pachycephalosaurus dome skull, and the ankylosaurus tail club all give Tsunoking a very unique silhouette among the many carnivorous retrosaur kaiju in ATOM, and would no doubt provide some fun speculation for ATOM’s paleontologists.  The vanity gives his heroic personality a fun flaw to work with, and I likewise think his Samurai-esque honor code could be interesting to work with in a story.  A wonderful prehistoric monster to add to the roster!

@dragonzzilla brings us a very strange and melancholic monster, the bipedal caribou Najjuk!  In addition to its striking humanoid stance, Najjuk emits a great deal of toxic gas as a byproduct of its Ice Age biology, and its inability to cope with warm temperatures results in it becoming incredibly aggressive and dangerous whenever it leaves its arctic environment.

There’s a clear (but not too heavy handed) metaphor for global warming in the threat Najjuk presents, as the warming of the earth leaves it less cool spaces to seek refuge in, and the caribou’s methane emissions actually contribute to the problem that’s destroying its home.  The monster also has a great deal of pathos built into it - a herd animal that is the last of its kind, forced to live in a habitat that’s too inhospitably cold for most other kaiju to tolerate, making it an incredibly lonely monster.  Combine the symbolism and pathos of its plight with a very striking mammalian design and you have an incredibly unique entry into ATOM’s menagerie of monsters!

@virovac gives us a truly bizarre entry with one of the most clever descriptions I’ve read so far, the low budget monstrosity known as Nematerror!  A mutant roundworm, Nematerror is one of the monsters considered too simple in nature to have a personality, though it still seeks what it needs with enough voraciousness to be considered a threat.

The really ingenious thing about this entry lay in its description, as virovac chose to describe how the creature would look if it were an actual prop in a low budget 50′s monster movie.  Made from a garden hose, stuffed socks, and some other trash, Nematerror is the kind of cornball monster puppet idea that could only be carried out in the atomic era of creature features, the kind that Joel and the bots would have a field day with.  There’s even a description of how its hose nozzle could be turned around to represent a nematode’s malleable mouth parts!  It’s very clever, and definitely the sort of idea that suits ATOM’s love of cheesy monster movies.

@skarmorysilver brings us the old and crusty mole monster, Gnomoran!  A sadistic curmudgeon, Gnomoran is a deeply unpleasant monster to face in battle.  With venomous spit and caustic pus secreted from its many facial sores, Gnomoran’s natural weapons give it a revolting edge, which is made all the more nasty by its mean-spirited personality.  However, Gnomoran is also in immense pain, as its healing factor has been thrown off kilter, giving it the kaiju equivalent of cancer.

The design of Gnomoran is excellent.  Like many of the previous ATOM CKC entries, it plays on the secret connection between ATOM and my Midgaheim stories, in this case using my mole-derived Gnomes/Dwarves as a starting point, and working back to show their more explicitly rodent-like roots.  The star-faced mole nose, long beard, big ol’ horn, and lumpy tumors all give him a bunch of iconic design details, and his power set of venom and caustic pus is uniquely gross.  He’s a great Heel monster, with a nasty attitude to match his equally nasty looks and power set, all while still having the ability to be sympathetic.  Figuring out how to explain why his healing factor has gotten so out of whack presents a bit of a continuity hurdle - Gnomoran has symptoms of both cancer and old age, which normally aren’t possible in an ATOM-verse kaiju, so that would need a good explanation.  But design and personality wise he’s a damn good fit!

DA user Lediblock submitted the chicken/retrosaur hybrid Galiente!  Made by splicing DNA from Tyrantis’s blue nemesis, the Terror, with that of a chicken, Galiente is a panicky, defensive monster who is tormented by the knowledge that other kaiju find his flesh ridiculously delicious.

Galiente’s design is a freakish mix of reptile and bird that goes for body horror, with a patchwork mix of scales, feathers, and raw skin, twisted limbs, and, somewhat inexplicably considering the two animals it’s a mix of, velociraptor feet.  The result is a very tortured looking creature, which fits its nervous and tragically aggressive personality - Galiente is a monster that picks fights because it fears it will get hurt if it doesn’t make the first move.  There’s a sadness that goes along with its wretched appearance and attitude that’s very sympathetic.  The monster’s backstory would probably need some tweaks, though - the many ways it is tied to Tyrantis specifically seem a bit unnecessary, with the “people mistake it for Tyrantis” angle being a bit implausible (and somewhat redundant, given Tyrantis already has two enemies that are his twisted doppelgangers as is), and I’m not sure a monster hunting organization would recruit a chicken farmer into their ranks, no matter how good his business savvy is.  Still, a plausible backstory wasn’t one of the contest requirements, and design and personality-wise Galiente is a very solid concept.

@protagonistprepblog submitted Gentil, an armored monster with a sweet disposition!  Gentil is designed to be something of an earth elemental, with a mix of traits from various creatures associated with that element.  He sports a healing mist/aura, a poison blast from his mouth, venomous claws, and the standard kaiju powers of strength and nigh invulnerability.  He’s also smart enough to join an organization specifically to help people.

Gentil has a very striking design, albeit one that’s (intentionally) hard to place taxonomically.  He would probably be the result of genetic modification in ATOM’s world, though the way his creator described him as the kaiju of the Earth Element makes me think the intention is for something more magical in origin.  The sweet personality suits his name very well, and as far as monsters go he’s very friend-shaped.  Most of Gentil’s information was shared with me by his creator via DMs, and he’s a very thoroughly developed concept, albeit one that seems to fit a story of protagonistprepblog’s creation a bit better than ATOM.  A wonderful submission nonetheless!

@dinosaurana submits the nuclear gator known far and wide as One-Armed Louie!  Already a menace when he was just a big, one-armed alligator, Louie became a true menace when he survived the explosive failure of a nuclear power plant, resulting in a number of wild mutations that, among other things, allow the massive crocodilian to assume a semi-bipedal stance.  Louie’s aggressive nature and history of getting into mischief ironically make him a pretty good kaiju to have around, as he will more often than not turn those shit-starting instincts on his fellow giants and end up keeping them in line as a result.  Even Jim Madson, a gator hunter turned kaiju wrangler, can’t help but appreciate how the “rat bastard” has become something of a boon to humanity since becoming freakishly large.

One-Armed Louie brings a true crocodilian to ATOM’s cast, which warms my reptile loving heart.  One could argue that the retrosaurs are all just very weird crocodiles, of course, but while that may literally be the case, most of them don’t look like crocodiles - they don’t have that pure crocodile vibe - and Louie makes up for their deficiency by being very much a big ol’ crocodilian.  Big ol’ gators and crocs are a giant monster movie archetype just as much as big ol’ bugs, and Louie gives them their due very well.  He also looks absolutely hardcore, which fits his aggressive “rat bastard” personality to a T.  A very solid entry for the contest!

@iamthekaijuking submitted the modified martian monster Nyergolep!  Originally from the planet Mars, Nyergolep was kidnapped by the Beyonder Alliance and experimented upon until it developed psychic powers.  Designed to be a sort of anti-Kemlasulla, Nyergolep is a nervous wreck who hates combat and desperately wants to escape the Beyonders.

Nyergolep’s design takes a lot from Kemlasulla’s, albeit with a lot of twists - fitting for the “Anti-Kemlasulla.”  Its tentacles are much more massive than its legs, with the roles of each set of limbs being reversed (i.e. using tentacles for locomotion instead of grasping, using legs for grasping instead of locomotion), and it lacks all of the armor Kemlasulla has, including the bony plates protecting the head and eye.  The result is a very fragile looking martian, the squishy mage to Kemlasulla’s rough and rowdy fighter.  I like the wiggly line of its upper jaw the best - don’t ask me why.  “Nergle’s” design is a little too closely tied to Kemlasulla’s for me to give full marks in that category, though I do love that wiggly mouth.  Its personality is pretty damn good though, fitting with the other shell-shocked war veterans in the Beyonder Kaiju army.

@dragonseeker-rex submitted the cactus/bird hybrid Orothorn!  In a story that feels like it came from one of the more light-hearted Twilight Zone episodes, Orothorn began as a normal gilded flicker that happened to befriend an cowboy actor named Mick Auricson (specializing in playing cowboys was A Thing in the 1950′s) after Mick nursed the little bird back to health.  An ill-placed dynamite explosion near a hidden Yamaneon deposit not only supersized Orothorn, but fused it with some of the nearby cactus (violent bursts of Yamaneon radiation can do this kind of shit on occasion), creating a massive, thorny-skinned bird monster with a heart of gold and a fondness for humans in general, and Mick Auricson in particular.  The feeling is mutual, as Mick even commissioned a special kaiju-sized scarf for the bird to wear (which I forgot to illustrate, whoops!).

Birds are lacking in ATOM’s roster (we don’t even have any in the core 50 files), and Orothorn is a unique take on the concept, with cactus thorns sticking out from between his feathers.  Him being a kaiju that specifically emulates the heroic behavior of a cowboy (actor) is also adorable and so very in line with ATOM’s sensibilities, it’s genuinely cute and I love it.  It’s a giant bird with cactus thorns that wears a scarf and thinks it’s a cowboy, how can you not love that?

Dracosaurus Rex submitted the enormous tuatara kaiju Tuatani!  Initially mistaken for being a retrosaur, this three eyed reptile can shoot energy blasts from his third eye and carries a virulent disease in his blood that infects any who encounter it.  A lonesome creature, Tuatani is very placcid during the day but will go on nightly rampages from time to time, apparently in a fit of vengeful despair at being the only one of his kind.

A clear homage to the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, Tuatani nevertheless has a lot to set him apart from his inspiration, with a multi-eyed motiff that sports an actual third eye as well as several eyespots.  The loneliness that drives him to lash out is a nice nod to both the film and the short story that inspired it, and his status as a Tuatara descendant would make him the last modern reptile missing from ATOM’s pantheon.  The nature of the disease in his blood would need some elaboration, as the immune systems of ATOM kaiju are very strong (being able to regenerate white blood cells almost instantaneously makes it very easy for them to learn which micro-organisms need to be destroyed), but it’s an interesting power for the monster to have.  A very solid entry!

@umbercario-sablesable gives us the giant silkworm, Munchy!  A caterpillar whose head, jaws, and true legs are covered in a metal alloy. Munchy lives to eat, and with metal jaws he can eat quite a lot of things!  While the insect will eat any non-living matter it comes across, it prefers not to eat living things, which makes it one of the few monsters who finds buildings more appetizing than the people inside them.  Though Munchy has little desire in this world outside of sating its gluttony, it isn’t a malicious creature, and so long as your house isn’t in its path you have little to fear from the monster.

Silkworms have a short but important role in kaiju history, as Mothra’s larva form is based on a type of silkworm, so making a silkworm kaiju plays into a very grand tradition.  Munchy goes for a more morally neutral route than Mothra, though, taking the voracious appetite of a caterpillar and exaggerating it to a proper kaiju scale.  The simplicity of it actually makes for a rather unique kaiju, as Munchy’s single-minded desire to eat as much non-living matter as possible makes it a very different sort of antagonist than the somewhat more complicated kaiju villains of ATOM.  Add to that the massive variety one can find in silkworms and you have a recipe for a very good monster!

(Apologies at the possible inaccuracy of my illustration - google could not find images of the  wakabayashi landrace species of silkworm that he is specified as being, so I had to just look up silkworms and hope I was somewhere in the correct ballpark - and then I missed the detail about his first pair of false legs being long enough to give him a bipedal stance so uh... well I think he’s still pretty cute, that counts for something?)

Sir K brings us the lung/ryu kaiju Yokaigon the Incredible!  Mistaken for a retrosaur by its initial discoverer (we certainly have a lot of scientists in ATOM who are very bad at taxonomy), Yokaigon is capable of affecting the weather like some of the few psychic kaiju in ATOM’s setting, suggesting latent psychic powers on the reptile’s part.  He is also able to absorb electricity and may or may not be able to fly.  Introverted and antisocial by nature, Yokaigon isn’t driven to seek out combat like most other kaiju, and prefers to be left alone.

With a backstory inspired by an absolutely terrible dub of Varan the Unbelievable!, Yokaigon is a fun homage that winks at some of the mythic creatures that existed in ATOM’s universe long before the series takes place - a surviving Loong/Ryu, much as Kraydi is a surviving dragon and Gorgolisk a surviving basilisk.  While Loongs aren’t covered in my Midgaheim Bestiary project, I have done sketches of what they would be like before, and it’s fun to see them mixed with a suitamation look here.  I don’t think a sea monster necessarily needs to make storms to still feel appropriately mythical, but the hydrokinetic ability to summon sea storms is plausible enough in ATOM (I’ve got a Yeti who summons blizzards in roughly the same way, so who am I to judge?).  And people always want more dragons.

@toothlessloveshiccup brings us the prehistoric arthropod Insectra!  Despite appearances, Insectra isn’t actually an insect, but actually a much older arthropod that is more closely related to horseshoe crabs.  Forged in a conflict between natives and an encroaching military force in the South Pacific, Insectra protects the local human civilization of her island home while repelling those who would destroy it.  With EMP blasts in her already powerful arsenal, she is a formidable enemy for anyone, man or kaiju, to face.

Insectra’s design has a great Hanna Barbera bug-monster vibe, the sort of thing you could see going toe to toe with the Herculoids or Space Ghost.  It’s simple in some places, but to the point, with great big spears for hands and wide, stompy feet.  Her motivation as a protector is a great nod to Mothra, while having an even more explicit anti-imperialist bent to it.  A very well rounded entry for the contest!

Shadyserpent brings us the draconic reptile Karax!  Another mythic creature sneaking into the world of ATOM, Karax is a serpentine beast whose vestigial wings allow it to fly (Yamaneon’s ability to defy gravity doing some of its most implausible work yet).  With terrible venom and a better-than-average healing factor, Karax is a deadly opponent, the dragon-like beast is thankfully more focused on collecting shiny objects than waging war against man or kaiju, though his desire to add to his hoard sometimes causes trouble.

See?  I told you people like dragons!  Karax’s design retains the ATOM-approved level of scientific plausibility, with his wings being fairly simple/under-developed compared to the more fantastical dragons of my Midgaheim stories.  He retains the prehistoric monster vibe that other Midgaheim survivors like Gorgolisk and Kraydi have, towing the line enough to fit in with ATOM’s menagerie while still winking at the mythic side of things.  His fondness for shiny objects is both a nice nod to his draconic nature and a fun character quirk that can get him into  the kind of trouble that stories are made of, and the fact that he’s also got more than a few references to the classic giant monster movie Reptilicus is also a plus!  A very good entry.

@titleknown brings us Neuro-Idiom, a brain monster who creates psychedelic mass hallucinations!  Formed from a bunch of aliens fusing their minds together, Neuro-Idiom conjurs other creatures out of thin air with its psychic powers, and has pretty much every other psychic power to boot!

Neuro-Idiom’s primary design, that of a big walking brain creature, fills a monster archetype that hasn’t been present in ATOM thus far - i.e. the big, ambulatory, disembodied brain, and yes, that is a SUPER popular archetype for 1950′s/60′s monster fiction.  Its psychic projections also pay homage to various monsters in fiction that were actually just the manifestations of an unsound mind - the Id monster from Forbidden Planet, the crawling brains of Fiend Without a Face, and the Crackler from Godzilla: The Series are examples of this concept.  The backstory of this monster would need to be reworked since it kind of ignores that “kaiju” in ATOM is a word with a very specific meaning (you can’t have a kaiju without Yamaneon involved), and the monster having amplified versions of EVERY psychic power makes it significantly more powerful than anything in ATOM’s canon, so that might have to be toned down a bit as well, but all in all it’s a lovely brain monster!

@drrockso20 brings us our final entry, the massive bison Chief Wrigley!  With gorilla-like arms and enormous horns, this big bovine has the muscle he needs to protect his herd and territory from any creature that dares to challenge it!  He’s not all brawn, either, as Chief Wrigley is clever enough to use the environment to his advantage, and even makes use of simple tools from time to time.  He can telepathically communicate with others, and can sometimes generate electric blasts from his horns.

With a very unique design, power set, and personality, Chief Wrigley has the makings of an excellent protagonist/hero kaiju, the kind who could headline his own corner of ATOM’s kaiju-verse.  Bison are a really underused basis for a kaiju, too - they have very unique heads, and their bodies are build in a way that’s very good at conveying mass.  With just enough special powers to make combat scenes interesting, but not so many that he feels out of place in ATOM’s world, Chief Wrigley is a strong contender in this contest!

Those are the entries!  Who will be the top three winners, and who will get the grand prize?  You’ll have to wait a bit longer to find out, but for now, let’s appreciate how many wonderful monsters we made here!  In a way, they’re all winners in my book, even if I can’t give prizes to the whole batch!

[kkmania44]

life so far #yass

ok so basically im trying to make this blog very indetail, and for all of my SUPER fans out there who need to know most major events in my life, here you go. i was born in a hospital on april 7th, 11:43 am. the hospital was some holy hospital. during my mothers labor, my grandma had to hold her leg up, just a fun trivia fact. she was in labor for about 3 days and didnt eat or drink ANYTHING. she also had to have her water manually broken by a doctor. during this time, my father was recovering from a terrible accident, so the fact i wasnt a miscarriage is kinda cool. and also, fun fact, my mom got pregnant from the birth control giving her the needed hormones she needed TO get pregnant. (she has a condition or soemthing that makes pregnancy like really hard or something) and my aunt also has it. she also had a high risk pregnancy because she had high blood pressure. but thats all of the birth facts i have right now.

after i was born, we moved to spokane, washington. during that time, my parents lived near their families. while trying to move out, my aunt attacked my mom, fun fact. after living here until i was about 3, my mom and i moved to lynnwood, into a small apartment, and from there to the house in bothell washington i lived in until 2019. by the time i was in preschool, we basically settled in.

i dont remember much about preschool. my mom used to work late though, and there were train tracks we passed by in the dark on our way home. i remember one time, we were supposed to be napping. but i was looking at all of the colors of the rainbow while lying there. this is in hindsight probably why im GAy. one time i gave this girl a minor concussion from throwing a doll on her head, and i got in a lot of trouble.

kindergarten was the only year i wasnt in bagc (boys and girls club) and i remember my grandparents visiting often.

first grade - 4th grade, i was in bagc. it was actually an awful experience tbh. I WAS BASICALLY BULLIED!!!!! /sar. every summer we used to go on these field trips every day expect for one “club day” once a week.   i had a few friends, 3 girls. they would regularly though, chose to avoid me purposefully, and calling it a “friend break” which sucked ASS when it was every other day. im just summarizing this, because im too lazy, but yeah. 

tw for next part ig

in the 4th grade, i had a friend named audrey. i would regularly visit her house, and we would take the same bus (after bagc). during this time period, i had a friend named bella. however, bella stopped hanging out with her after being friends with me. i dont know WHAT or WHY she started to hate me, but she did. it got to the point where she would casually pass me notes explaining how she was gonna tw// violent idk, quote, “i’m going to kill you. i’m going to fucking choke you to death and leave you to die.” and would send them to me, for i think, three days straight. after that incident, i went to visit her home after school. she had a basement, we would mess around and play on her wii down there. i got up and went to the bathroom, she laughed at me for bringing my phone in there, usual, expect she sent me death threats hours prior! when i left she was holding this giant wooden stick, (i would say it was pretty wide. almost taller than her.) i think it was used to keep her sliding door down there shut. it started out like a sort of game as first? she just started trying to hit me with it. obviously, when she didnt stop after i told her to, it was kind of obvious “yeah maybe those death threats werent a joke!” WHICH IS FUNNY IN HINDSIGHT BECAUSE I COMPLETELY IGNORED HER INDETAIL DESCRIPTION OF HOW SHE WOULD MURDER ME??, but anyways. it got to the point where i was hiding under her bed. it gets a bit blurry from here though. i think she dragged me out or hit me a few times until i tried to get away. either way tho, she recorded videos of her just!! trying to kill me. so that was a goofy moment.

anyways, everything is kind of normal after that. so i think its time to touch on my cool awesome family cult!! yaaaay!!

basically, in short, my family is in a cult. literally. my great aunt beth (she has all of the money. my family is generally very poor, beth is the nurse and she has all the money). she would provide food and clothing for my mother and her sisters when she was little, and in response everyone had to literally follow her like a cult. its to the point where i am unable to see my cousins. shes running a conversion therapy, she kept my cousin in a mental hospital and is fighting for custody of her to be able to hold that over her head. obviously, i was only really a “part” of it when i was the age of 3 - now. it’s only really relevant now because i cant see ANY parts of my family except for the ones who have been kicked out.

compared to those 2 funny stories, my life is GENERALLY uneventful. but theses are the few major events that may come up in my blogs in the FUTURE, which means if i have any super fans (or just me wanting to keep my blog organized and having made sense to anyone if they read through the whole thing) then here it is.

recently, i moved from the home in bothell to a home in beacon hill seattle, and now have currently lived in this house in kent washington for about 1 month going on 2. i own 2 dogs, whiskers, and zoey (crusty white dog still love her tho). i literally just wrote a novel im so proud of myself.

not sure how to close this! but yasss!!!!!!

[supernatural-firstwatch]

Season 5 Episode 5: Fallen Idols

I’ve had a BUSY weekend! I almost skipped out on watching any SPN episodes this weekend, but I figured I might have time just for one episode. My reward for #adulting (starting my taxes). Here we go!

- AAAAAAAH!!!!! IT’S PAUL MCCMILLION!!!!!! CARSON BECKETT FROM STARGATE ATLANTIS!!!!!!! Have you noticed the trend that like, every SG-1 and SGA actor has been on SPN? CARSON I LOVE YOU!!!! But no Scottish brogue in SPN???? Sad. I liked his brogue. 

- Uh huh. Dude that bought the car (not Beckett/Jim) is breathing out cold air. There’s a ghost somewhere!!! I hope Beckett/Jim doesn’t die... Also, YAY! Back to ghosts! Not gonna lie, I’m getting a little tired of all demons all the time. Well, that was gruesome. But Beckett appears to still be alive!

- Dean’s right. After all the shit that they’ve been through, they need to ease back into the hunting and learn how to be a team again. They’ve been out of synch since Dean died and went to hell. Well, actually, I think they’ve really been out of synch since Sam died and Dean traded his soul for him. 

- OMG! Paris Hilton is guest starring in this episode??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

- LOL! I love that Dean knows about “Little Bastard.”  He knows all pop trivia and Sam knows all literary/geeky trivia :) :) I feel like if they ever entered a bar trivia they would wipe the floor. 

- LOOOOOL!!!!! Dean talking to the car is just hilarious. “Ok baby. I’m not going to hurt you. So, don’t hurt me.” HAHAHAHA!!! “Don’t do anything. Just go away. In fact, don’t speak. She might not like it.” Awh, that’s unfortunate. Not the real “Little Bastard.” 

- WTF? It’s a fake ghost Lincoln? Is it going to be Lincoln vampire hunter? With an axe? Awh, it was a gunshot wound. 

- Heeey!!!! Sam’s Spanish is pretty good. Makes sense since he went to Palo Alto for school and CA has a high number of Spanish speaking people. He’s bound to have picked it up or learned it. Also, I totally see Sam as someone who’d want to become a public defender, and you have GOT to know Spanish for that job in CA. He likely took Spanish classes in college. OH! LOOK AT THAT! HE DID!!! FRESHMAN SPANISH!!! He probably took way more than just that. NEW HEADCANON AND YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY IT OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS! SAM SPEAKS INTERMEDIATE TO FLUENT SPANISH!!!

- Huh, Dean got his own laptop now. At least this means he’ll stop stealing Sam’s to look at Asian beauty babes porn on his computer.... LOOOOL!!!! No he won’t. He’s a big brother. He’ll totally steal Sam’s computer to keep looking at porn. HAHAHAHA!!!! That’s what brothers do to each other. 

- Aaaaah!!!! Ghost in the wax museum? 

- DEAN!!!! You’re being an ass. That was a shitty thing to say and Sam heard it and you should FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!!!! *sigh* Fuck, these boys. This is not the way you prevent Sam from saying “Yes.” You’re supposed to be working on being a family again. 

- Sam is not in the mood for games now. Whatcha looking at on the Lincoln statute, Sammy? OH! GHOST IS IN THE HOUSE! Sam’s breahing out cold air! Wait, Sam’s gun was just ripped from his hands. Poltergeist? There’s Ghandi! I had a feeling, after Sam said that Ghandi was a great man earlier. LOL! Wax Ghandi is nimble! How was Dean able to open the door so easily when Sam couldn’t? Guess the ghost/poltergeist was too busy with Sam and not in holding the door closed? 

- OH!!! THIS IS A GOOD CONVO!!!! “How long am I going to be on double-secret probation?” “Until I say so.” “Look. I know what I did, what I’ve done. And I am trying to climb out of that hole. I am. But you’re not making it any easier.” “So what, am I supposed to just let you off the hook?” “No. You can think whatever you want. I deserve it and worse. Hell, you’ll never punish me as much as I’m punishing myself. But the point is, if were gonna be a team, you and I, it has to be a two-way street.” “So we just go back to the way we were before?” “No, because we were never that way before. ‘Before’ didn’t work. How do you think we got here?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Dean, one of the reasons I went off with Ruby... Was to get away from you.” “What?” “It made me feel strong, like I wasn’t your kid brother.” “Are you saying this is my fault?” “No. It’s MY fault. All I’m saying is that we’re gonna do this, we have to do it different. We can’t just fall into the same rut.” “What do you want me to do?” “You’re gonna have to let me grow up, for starters.” 

Ok, so, this conversation is the ultimate perfect conversation. I feel so much for Sam in this conversation. I’m a younger sibling, and I can’t begin to count the number of times I have complained to my parents that my older brothers still treat me as if I were 5 or 10 years old. My own brother told me recently that he forgets that I’m not 15 years old anymore and that I am an adult. It’s so hard for older siblings to recognize that their younger siblings have grown up and don’t need to be coddled or controlled anymore. That they have independence and should be respected for their own knowledge and intelligence and be taken seriously. Dean has fallen pray to this problem, and it’s probably even harder for him to realize this and see Sam for the adult he is because of the way John raised them. Dean was ALWAYS the protector. His sole job growing up was to look out for Sammy, and as they grew up and Sam became more independent and head-strong, Sam likely felt stifled by both Dean and John. This is likely why he decided to go to college in the first place, because he needed breathing room to be himself. And their entire relationship since Season 1 Episode 1 has been Dean at the wheels dragging Sam along and treating him like a kid. They were never PARTNERS in the hunts, but always siblings. And that’s great, but to have a functioning work relationship, you have to have a functioning partnership. It doesn’t work if one person sets all the rules and calls all the shots, and ignores or shoots down the other person until the other person is proven right by the circumstances of the job. Dean needs to stop parenting Sam, and he needs to stop stifling Sam, and he needs to, well, trust Sam enough to let him grow. This is going to be really difficult for Dean, but I think Sam is right. If they’re going to make this work, Dean has to let Sam grow up, and that means trusting him when he shares his ideas instead of dismissing them, and trusting him more than he feels comfortable at the moment. Sorry, this speech really brought out the feels in me! THESE BOYS!!!!

-  PARIS HILTON! LOL! 

- Sam is getting really good at dissecting corpses. He’s always stuck with that job.

- They keep running into Pagan Gods... This is a set up for future seasons, isn’t it? I know there’s a season where a bunch of Gods show up, whatever that means. 

- How is it a good idea to split up when Dean has the iron ax and Sam appears to have no weapons? Nice whistle. I can’t do whistles like that. 

- HAHAHAHA!!!!! PARIS HILTON CAN PACK SOME (fake) PUNCHES!!!! I bet it was a hell of a lot of fun having her on the set :P OUCH!!!! She just cracked her heel on Dean’s FACE! How are they standing upright against the tree when they’re unconscious?

- EW! SAM! That was a lot of hacks at Paris Hilton! Your face is COVERED in blood! YEESH! Was that really necessary? LOL! Yep. Dean did just get whaled on by Paris Hilton. Except that it was really a God dressed as PH. 

- AWWWWWH!!!! This episode is full of good convos between the brothers. “Hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday. And me keeping too tight of a leash on you. Well, maybe you’re right. I mean, look, I’m not exactly Mr. Innocent in this whole mess, either. You know, I did break the first seal.” “You didn’t know.” “Yeah, well, neither did you. I’m not saying demon blood was a great way to go, but you did kill Lilith.” “And start the Apocalypse.” “Which neither of us saw coming. I mean, who woulda thought killing Lilith would’ve been a bad thing? Point is, I was so worried about watching your every move that I didn’t see what it was actually doing to you. So for that I’m sorry.” 

- YES!!! DEAN IS LETTING SAM DRIVE!!! THAT IS SUCH A GREAT GESTURE AND METAPHOR AFTER THOSE TWO CONVERSATIONS!!! THIS was the fresh start. Right there!!! LOVED IT

[spookysshadow]

The Lewistern AU no one asked for but imma write it anyway so hold on tight ft Claia

Jonathan Morgenstern is a grungy college student who studies Chemical Engineering because he’s a NERD. He had an emo phase during his teen years and never really got over it. Ergo the constant band t’s and the huge poster of MCR in his room. Jonathan is hella protective of his smol sis, despite the fact she could take on anyone if angered enough.

So when smol Clary walks into their apartment after school in first grade on a day Jonathan was sick at home, he is surprised to see a smol thing with brown hair and huge ass glasses come through. Immediately he doesn’t trust the dude, until he smiles at him. Then he thinks he’s having a heart attack.

That is how it goes for the most part. Simon becomes a constant in their life. Where ever Clary is, Simon will be right behind. He knows Simon likes his sister, he can see it. He also knows that Clary doesn’t like him like that. In fact, he’s pretty sure Clary doesn’t like boys in general. If the fact she hasn’t stopped staring at Maureen. “But she’s so smart, brother. And she has a pretty laugh.”

He doesn’t think much about him, except that he really does have a nice smile and a really nice laugh. But Jonathan is oblivious to anything else. Like the way Simon sometimes looks at him when he’s laughing with Luke and his Mom.  Or how his eyes brighten when Jonathan ruffles his hair after a Baseball game.

Years pass and Jonathan learns to play the drums and tries to form a band. He’s struggling to find a guitarist when he walks into the Lewis residence because “Becca, I need my textbook back, it’s not my fault you forget everything at school.” when he sees Simon jamming to his guitar in his room.

And, look okay, so Jonathan may have a thing about guitar players. In fact all of his major crushes have been guitar players. Like Calum from 8th period in 7th grade. Who also had brown hair and brown eyes and glasses. Sue him.

Anyway, so his brain short circuits for a bit before he walks into Simon’s room and tells him he’s hired. Simon is a confused, before Jonathan finally explains his band idea. Of course, nothing in Jonathan’s life is easy, so Simon apologetically tells him he’s already in a band.

Jonathan is not bitter. Not is the slightest. And no Clary, he’s not sulking.

“Really, then why are you eating ice cream? You know you’re lactose intolerant.”

“Death is sweeter this way.”

“Alrighty then. MOM JONATHAN IS TRYING TO DIE VIA LACTOSE.”

Needless to say, Jonathan finds a guitarist. Calum is available, but its not as exciting as 13 year old him expected. Still he sees Simon whenever they have band nights in the local cafes. Its usually him, Maureen, and some punk named Eric. Whatever. And then he watches as sings and is once again blown away. Seriously, not fair.

Still, he guesses it is fun watching Simon play and then knowing he’ll be in the crowd watching him. And if his heart soars when Simon bounces up next to him saying that he was awesome or so talented on the drums, well, he’ll deny it.

For a while it’s okay, but then Simon starts seeing this girl Maia and Jonathan kinda feels like shit. So he starts sleeping with Calum, and Eric, and everyone really. And he doesn’t stick around for Simon’s shows anymore. And when he comes over he just stays in his room and doesn’t leave until Simon is gone.

Clary gets concerned and wants to confront him about it, but then Jonathan is graduating and he spends the majority of his summer with his friends or out of the apartment and more importantly away from Simon. Then he’s off to NYU and he only calls Clary, Luke and his mom every few days to keep them updated.

Simon on the other hand can’t figure out what he did. Seriously. All he knows is that Jonathan started ghosting him, doesn’t return his texts and if he does they’re one worded or blunt. He tries asking Maia but she’s busy trying to convince Clary that they should totally date. And when he sees Calum and Jonathan making out after a show, he feels his heart drop, because of course, he remembers Jonathan’s huge ass crush on Calum, and now he’s got him.

And then Jonathan sleeps with Eric and he hates it. Hates it. Hates it so much. And suddenly Jonathan has slept with all of his friends and he’s just so confused. Like, what a way to tell a guy you’re not interested in him. And he doesn’t say hi or talk to him or smile at him anymore and Simon is just so upset and hurt.

Clary officially thinks boys are idiots and finally takes Maia out on a date, much to Maia’s delight. Together the girls do their best to get Simon out of his funk.

“Seriously Simon you can’t just eat poptarts for the rest of your life.”

“Why not? They make me happy.”

“Babe, can you bring me a nerf gun?”

“Already ahead of you.”

So Maia starts dragging Simon to the gym with her and the boy puts on some muscle. They have rom com nights, which are good intentions but just kinda make him feel lonely. But the exercise helps and suddenly he’s writing songs again and before anyone realizes it its winter break. And Jonathan comes home.

He’s changed a bit. He’s also more muscular, though thats mostly because Alec needed a workout buddy and Jace was still in high school with his sis. He’s made some new friends, Sebastian Verlac who is the biggest dork second only to Simon with he’s fucking suspenders and good boy attitude. Really it’s delightful teasing him. And Alec is hilarious with his grumpy attitude and his lawful tendencies, and of course when they get him drunk enough to wax poetic about his not so secret crush on his Poly Sci TA, one gorgeous Magnus Bane. He loves them really, they’re an odd pair of really tall people, but it works.

But he misses Simon. He misses late night jokes and Star Wars trivia. He misses someone helping him with music and his beats. He misses his smile and witty humor. He misses his horrible puns and cult classics. He misses Simon Lewis. And he realizes after Clary announces who her girlfriend is, that Maia is a proud lesbian and in no way was she ever dating Simon.

So when he walks into his home he greets Luke and his mom with a hug, a kiss on the cheek and a hair ruffle for his Sister, and then he walks into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and stops.

Simon Lewis stares at him, holding a bag of doritos, in a nice tight long sleeved shirt, sweatpants, and his signature Chewbacca fuzzy socks and Jonathan has to remind himself to breathe.

“Hi”

“Hey”

It’s painfully awkward, because the last time Jonathan saw this kid, he brushed him off and now he knows he was wrong and he damns his jealousy and inability to calmly read a situation. Still, after a bit of awkwardness, Simon smiles softly at him and he thinks for a moment that this is a start.

It’s slow, Jonathan trying to reach out to Simon and mend what he broke, but Simon has always been forgiving and Jonathan is immensely grateful for that. When he explains why he was such an asshole, Simon laughs and explains that Maia became friends with him to meet Clary. Aka the really cute redhead with the freckles and button nose.

Things get better and by the time Jonathan returns for his spring semester him and SImon are back on good terms. He visits his family physically more often. Sometimes he drags SImon on to campus with him, just to show him around. He introduces his sister, Maia, and Simon to Alec and Sebastian, and they all get along. Alec swears he is confused by Simon’s existence, but he can tell that Alec would literally punch anyone who would look at him funny.

Its sometime in April when Simon gets his acceptance letter to NYU. Its the weekend and Luke and Jocelyn are on a weekend get away because they are tired. And Clary and Maia are hanging out at the Mall, when Simon stops by and tells him the news. He’s so excited and he’s jumping up and down, and Jonathan is so happy for him and suddenly Simon’s in his arms and Simon’s hands are cradling Jonathan’s face and they’re kissing.

When they pull back, they stare at each other in shock, but Jonathan doesn’t let go. Simon asks if that was okay and Jonathan can’t help the smile that breaks out across his face.

“Yeah, that’s perfect.”

“Good.”

Then they live happily ever after. The End.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #191 - 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: I think so.

Do I remember it: More or less.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) According to IMDb:

Richard Fleischer was surprised at being considered for the director's chair for this film, as he was the son of Disney's biggest competitor, Max Fleischer. He approached Walt Disney to inquire if Disney knew who he was. Disney told him that he was well aware of who he was and hired him because he thought he was the best man for the job. Richard Fleischer also asked his father if he minded having his son working for his rival but Max Fleischer made no objection and even asked Richard to tell Disney that he thought he had made an excellent choice for his director!

Just some fun trivia to start with.

2) This film’s brief opening explosion does quite well to establish the danger of the seas and some of the film’s stakes.

3) Kirk Douglas as Ned Land.

Douglas plays land as a traditional roguish action hero in the best sense. He has this wonderful sense of humor and charm, playing a character who could’ve easily been a hated jackass as someone you like/root for. He’s lovably devious and just fun.

4) I know this movie is from 1954, but quite calling anything that you consider the east, “the orient!”

5) Paul Lukas as Professor Aronnax.

Lukas plays Aronnax as a remarkably patient and considerate character. You invest in him easily because he’s reasonable, curious, soft spoken, and just genuinely kind. The performance is what makes the character here and it’s great.

6) The film really takes advantage of its oceanic setting with brief moments of spectacle, featuring grand shots of dolphins and whales in real life. Although unfortunately this can come at the expense of pacing.

7) “A Whale of a Tale”

While this song serves mainly as an extended distraction from the plot & an opportunity to let Kirk Douglas sing a song, it’s just incredibly fun too. It’s a classic of the Disney canon, appearing on Classic Disney: Vol. 1 (albeit with a different third verse), and even getting a reference in Finding Nemo. All in all, it’s just a standout moment of the film.

8) There’s a nice sense of tension in the skirmish between the ship and the “monster” before Ned, Aronnax, and Conseil (Aronnax’s assistant) fall into the water.

9) So, because it’s 2017 and I’m a sucker for gay ships, I head canon that Conseil is in love or has feeling for Aronnax. He jumps into the water without a second thought when the professor falls in and the entire time on the Nautilus he is very adamant about not leaving without the professor. It’s most likely intended as loyalty from an assistant to his professor, but my way is more fun.

10) The Nautilus.

(This is just concept art but it’s the best visual representation I could find.)

The wonder which the film gives the steam punk submarine upon simply realizing what it is helps make the vessel seem miraculous even in a world where submarines exist. The further exploration of the Nautilus helps establish a sense of place and geography to the vessel, while the visual design is also wildly imaginative/spectacular. This is all incredible important as the Nautilus is as important a character to the story as Nemo or Ned, in some ways more so. So the fact the film puts os much stock into the Nautilus just shows the filmmakers understand it.

11) James Mason as Captain Nemo.

Unfortunately Mason’s casting as the iconic character is part of a long line of Hollywood white washing, since in the source material Captain Nemo is the son of an Indian Raja. This effects some of how Nemo’s backstory comes across (who held him in slavery? Why? I don’t really get that part of the movie, just that he lost his family because of it), but Mason is very strong in the part. He breathes incredible complexity, intelligence, interest and power into the captain of the Nautilus. Which is important as Nemo is one of the most complicated and complex antiheroes every to appear in fiction. Within a few moments Mason is sable to establish that Nemo has these complexities, that there’s so much to him we don’t see, with just his performance.

Nemo is filled with contradictions. He makes a point about how he is not civilized but gives Ned a hard time for not using a fork. He criticizes Ned for going after treasure when Nemo has a whole closet full of it. And while he uses his pain to justify the murder of countless sailors to stop war from spreading, are they not as innocent as his family? I thought they didn’t know what they were carrying, but are instead the same people who we see getting whipped like Nemo once was a slave.

But more than anything else Mason is able to show us a lot of Nemo when he’s not speaking a word. We see his intense pain at times when playing the pipe organ and we understand just how deeply he loves the seas. How it calms him, how it is his paradise. While the whitewashing of the character is more than unfortunate, Mason still does a strong job in the part.

12) Nemo’s pipe organ can actually seen by the general public and not in a museum. It currently resides in Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion ride and has done so since 1969.

13) The hunting expedition sequence is another showcase of how the film will often place wonder over pacing. The scene is incredible, with visually compelling elements and unique action. The finding of the sunken treasure is especially nice, as is the ensuing shark attack. But it’s just so freaking slow.

14) Oh, professor…

Aronnax [about Ned]: “His life means nothing! Nor does mine or yours compared to what’s behind all this.”

I disagree, but whatever. i think I’m meant to.

15) I mentioned this before, but I don’t fully understand Nemo’s backstory. He calls the island prison a, “white man’s grave.” Does that mean this film is trying to tell us non-white people are kidnapping white men and using them as slaves? That’s a fucked up narrative device and makes me wonder (as someone who’s never read the book) how this all fits with Nemo’s original heritage.

16) When Arronax says Nemo is, “not only a murderer but a hypocrite,” that was when I learned what the word hypocrite means.

16.1) I would also like to point out taking life is always much easier than maintaining it. There was probably another solution to Nemo’s problem of war spreading other than killing sailors over and over again, but death is much easier.

17) Ah, the racist and outdated “dangerous natives” trope. Yeah, please let this die soon.

And these cannibals are the only fucking black people in the movie. And they’re all dudes, of course. The only two women in this movie were Ned’s girlfriends from before. This whole part of the movie just makes me sad.

18) The Nautilus sinking is actually an excellent example of stakes in the film. There is an incredible tension and pressure throughout where the slower pacing is actually beneficial.

19) THE GIANT SQUID!!!!

This is the best damn part of the entire film, honestly. The fight with the giant squid has become wildly iconic and brings an incredible sense of fun that is born out of incredible imagination. There is strong action, stakes, and pacing throughout. While the practical effects are crazy strong, especially for the time. 63 years later and you’re not pulled out of the scene. Kirk Douglas even gets a real action hero moment to shine when he kills the beast. All in all, it’s just great.

20)

Nemo [after Ned saves him from the squid]: “Mr Land, you saved my life. Why?”

Ned [after a beat]: “That’s a good question.”

21) Honestly the giant squid works as a better climax for the movie than Nemo blowing up his island based. It is the greatest moment of tension in the film, far more so than what we get on Volcania. HOWEVER, the ending on Volcania is a much more fitting emotional conclusion. This story could only have ended one way and that is with the death of Captain Nemo.

22) Oh thank god, they save the seal! I was worried about that.

23) Okay, so one final thought. Everyone is like, “we have to get off the Nautilus before the explosion of Volcania goes off and kills us all!” But then the island blows up and it’s nowhere near Nautilus.

While an unfortunate example of white washing and problematic handling of non-white characters, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea is still in many ways a classic. It can drag at some points but Mason commands as Nemo, the design and imagination that went into the film is clear, there are a nice amount of fun moments, and then the giant squid is awesome! Especially if you’re a Disney fan, a fan of the book, or a sci-fi fan in general, you should watch this film. If you’re not those things you still might want to give this movie a try. See if you like it.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

either it was a case of a) ignoring obvious context clues or b) forgetting outright statements in the books or most likely c) both, but i didnt Get that lucius malfoy had been the like head death eater pre-voldemorts quasideath. it makes sense obviously but it makes everything even more ironic? poetic? whatever that basically voldemorts handling of the malfoys was one of the most dumbassed things he did, both by complete accident/coincidence/luck and by voldemorts own crappy choices which make it infinitely easier to off him like i hadnt really thought about it in an organized fashion before knowing that lucius used to be #1 but i guess that just made it more beautiful or something. because its in part all great and heartwarming and stuff that the good choices of good people doing their best does lead to direct successes, but its also great when things that arent supposed to be important or even relevant come into play and small undignified things end up being as crucial as the more grand and dramatic stuff. plus, dumbledore is representing the Man With A Long Con Plan, and he sucks. whereas harry is always just playing by ear and doing all the real work out here anyways it all also makes sense why draco malfoy remains so prominent throughout the series, even in say, book 4, where he truly does nothing impactful save tell harry he sucks and be transfigured into a ferret by a death eater. he's in the top ten characters per mention re: the series as a whole, and even stays in the top twenty chars by mention in dh, where he's hardly even around. i know this from trivia games. and he's like the first hogwarts peer harry meets, right. but the point is despite being introduced as a rival who seems to be heading towards simply being a nuisance, his tangential arc is not only important even when he's only being an annoying dumbass but also voldemort's own bullshit causing his own demise like firstly, it was useful that lucius malfoy was Death Eater Man The First because he essentially raised his child in a cult in an attempt to pretty much clone himself, which sort of worked until like, book 6. which, a fun fact if you overlook these kinds of connect-the-dots clues in the books like i do, means it makes sense why draco made an attempt to befriend harry in the first place and why that attempt was so blindingly crappy: that pre-voldemorts return, former death eaters thought harry potter might turn out to be the next mega evil wizard, so it was probably a lucius-endorsed maneuver, what with it being repeatedly established that lucius's strategy in things is to associate himself with powerful people and try to gain influence and protection that way. but when harry was like fuck off with that, draco realized that harry was just an sjw, even though technically antagonizing hp was not lucius-endorsed. and the cult thing comes into play both in the worst friendship offering of all time and in draco wanting to knock harry down a peg at all times, in that not only was draco brought up on the belief of wide concepts like wizpremacy and blood purity and a voldemort renaissance would be amazing and death eaters are the best, but also the concept that as a pureblood and a malfoy they had an elitism that would be recognized anywhere, so not only should harry have been interested in befriending him and recognizing him as top quality but so should the whole god damn school, neither of which happened, so he takes it all out on harry on account of being jealous and a little shit but maybe that self-appointed rivalry wouldve died down if harry hadn't also been drawn into the pettiness of it all, thank god for it, because it is a) vital to murdering voldemort and b) pretty funny sometimes, when thats the context of the situation, on account of draco's role fluctuating between harmless annoyance to actual threat/antagonist even within the same books. e.g. how in poa, he's sort of indirectly causing real problems via hippogriff executions, but at the same time the part where he shows up and has snape make ron and harry do his potion for him is a little hilarious. i think ron hit him in the face with a crocodile heart in CoS, maybe. potions is where its all happening. but anyways, the point is that harry kind of drags draco along in remaining relevant because theyre both dumb as hell, and immature. like, draco's relevant in the first book because all the little things are more relevant to harry then and he's presumably not happy about once again being hated for no good reason. and in the second one, the trio think draco is the heir of slytherin for a while. he has the buckbeak thing in the third book, in goblet of fire he's really just there in the background being annoying, unhelpful, racist, etc, as per usual but its all so unimportant i barely remember half of what he's even doing in that book. but anyways, like with the other books, despite being outstripped as a real "threat" in harry's world by that point, its still important he's relevant in the fifth book as well, because he's obviously important in the sixth but in a way that started in the fifth book, which means by extension its a way that started in books 1-4 as well because in book 5, even though for once he has some mild direct form of power besides the really powerful yet indirect factor of having a rich dad involved in politics, malfoy still doesnt really manage much. until he manages the fairly major victory of raiding dumbledores army. which didnt turn out to be important since they got out of that tight spot, but it was important because it introduced draco to the room of requirement the 6th book is like, its funny that the reason harry suspected malfoy so much besides seeing a sort of suspicious conversation or two, is mostly just that he's got a grudge against him and also is wondering why draco seems to have gotten a hobby besides annoying him all the time, which is funny because its just accurate. and also relies on their history in all the previous books. but what was really up was that, again, voldemort was ruining everything for himself. on account of deciding to make an example of the malfoys as a way of punishing lucius for totally botching the dept of mysteries thing. like, thats great and all, but it kind of backfires in the whole death-eater-cult thing draco had going on in that he was seeing evidence that being a death eater actually was the worst and everyone was jerks, and that the guy he was modeling himself after was now the lowest amongst them, and voldemorts a dick and his return is actually shitty, and again that they arent seen as The Best for being malfoys, and things arent The Best because voldemorts back, but instead it is bullshit and theyre considered the worst for being malfoys. and the whole Cult Teaching Style really backfires in that sense since when parts of it get disproved to someone the whole thing is now liable to collapse too. and his execution mission was Useful in a load of ways. including that besides the regular voldemort stress there was the stress of malfoy figuring out he wasn't actually up for murder re: katie bell and ron almost dying in the crossfire. which you'd think he mightve thought of before voldemort returned with all his murder agenda, but maybe he really did just assume he'd make a great stone cold killer. presumably there wasnt a lot of thinking shit through about taking on the whole mission in the first place anyways, then the room of requirement is important because he needs it to actually succeed, which apparently none of the masterminds behind the whole thing (voldemort, dumbledore, snape) accounted for. and that whole deal on the astronomy tower just did the important stuff of a) proving to draco that he can't actually kill anyone and b) showing harry that draco disarmed dumbledore, for the whole elder wand business and then the other reason that voldemort inadvertently turned the malfoys against him was that, by sending their son off to die while simultaneously antagonizing them at all times, of course he made the situation such that by the 7th book even bullshit lucius is really mostly interested in their family making it out alive, which as per usual means doing whatever it takes with whoevers on top to do so. total #malfoys, ttly slytherin. but anyways? honestly? there were such infinitely better ways to use the fact that the malfoy family actually gave a shit about each other besides "you did this wrong so i'll kill your kid as punishment." on account of that just gives them reason to resent voldemort, would have left them with a lot less to lose should draco have actually died (did voldemort expect dumbledore to actually kill a 16-yr old who was one of his students or something? he sucks but hes a lot more passive in his negligence towards his student body), it was a waste of draco's potential use on account of he was clearly not only more competent than voldemort expected but also? he had been raised from birth to think voldemort was the best and his rule would be the best and being a death eater would be the best. and voldemort not only threw away a would-be useful death eater to die but also basically disillusioned draco of all his ideas about what life w voldemort around was like. and then theres the fact that, since voldemort knew lucius and narcissa cared enough about draco to suffer at his death, why wouldn't he have instead essentially used draco as a hostage to have their motivation be centered around that rather than gaining or maintaining status. its not like there were that many powerful death eaters at his disposal. i mean, narcissa is probably on the level of the best of them yet her abilities are really never called upon. like, she was ready to kill or die for draco, when she gave draco her wand it meant both she and lucius didnt have a wand at that point but she wasnt fucking around. and voldemort considered draco throwaway anyways and thought the best card he could play was to kill him? when he was that valuable to such powerful people? okay pal, sure. i mean probably he really didnt realize the extent to which the malfoys (particularly narcissa lbr, the saving grace of moms theme) actually cared about draco as their kid and not just like family honor shit or whatever, since thats a theme with him and then of course, besides voldemorts wasted opportunities there, draco's whole suicide-mission-that-actually-worked-out came into play when the trio gets caught by death eaters in dh and brought to his house and draco doesn't narc harry over to voldemort. on account of its fairly established to him by that point that he's not about killing anyone, even if it would moreso redeem his family to turn him in or be kind of anti-voldemort not to. this is useful when a) it means voldemort doesnt show up and murder harry a few times and b) it means harry's also alive to bust out and get some wands from draco. which he would also need for the elder wand business and which he would recognize as a crucial advantage because he'd witnessed draco disarm dumbledore because voldemort was a dumbass and gave him that mission and he could do it via the room of requirement which he found because of antagonizing harry during year 5 because of the longstanding feud he and harry had maintained ever since the hogwarts express ride before year 1 when their interaction stemmed from draco's dad being a major death eater player and then anyways despite kind of getting in harrys way again in the room of requirement which is a whole bit that feels almost nostalgic in that situation, with the battle being elsewhere and the broomsticks and everyone just taking a moment in the hall afterwards to be like jesus christ i need a gatorade. but it was useful in harry saving draco from dying then, which was funny with ron's line about if we die for them i'll kill you, but yknow harrys spontaneous heroics and neither him nor malfoy being interested in the other actually dying or anything. and then them saving malfoy again from some random death eater, which was an even more optional life saving maneuver. technically harry couldve lied i guess, but it was relevant when his life depended on telling narcissa that draco was alive in hogwarts as far as he knew. i dont think he realized why she was asking and what the effects of his answer would be until after he'd actually done so, so i guess its not as though he had the chance to weigh the option of lying anyways. plus, all that spontaneous heroics stuff and harry not being a particularly good liar and the thing that i cant remember if its canon or inferred theory that narcissa is a really good occlumens/legilimens, whereas harry is bullshit at that. but anyways, what was really important there was The Theme, aka that moms keep saving the world via the sake of their kids. and for that to happen in a literary sense draco had to be alive, even though maybe the intent wouldve counted, who knows, whatever anyways and then of course its relevant again when harry doesnt kill voldemort with his own twin wand even though that would be the dramatic and strategic thing to do, but with a wand he happened to snatch on improv of some rando bullshit student in his year who voldemort tried to have killed off because he's a wipe and terrible at everything, which is also how the horcruxes thing played out. and he keeps underestimating everyones mom. and thats how draco despite seeming largely useless for most of the series winds up being so useful he's mentioned in the final confrontation with voldemort right up to the point of harry actually killing voldemort. and its all because of death eaterdom doing itself in and voldemort doing himself in too and because draco and harry happened to have a mutual stubborn pettiness going on, but not so much so that they were going to let the other get killed. what with them being 17 and everyone having some god damn sense, particularly malfoy with his sense-gaining experience of the year prior and the whole not being twelve factor tldr the themes are: harrys spontaneous heroics, voldemorts self-destructive lack of comprehension of Love, your mom, and being a petty shithead and having a few ridiculous happenstantial encounters are whats important

[impalafortrenchcoats]

Coming Apart On Top of You : Ch 1

Author: impalafortrenchcoats

Chapter: 1/?

Summary: 

Seokjin is trying to piece together a life while tearing down his past one brick at a time. Namjoon is fighting to build his future while struggling to handle the present. 

It wasn't a very convenient time to fall in love. 

And when the skeletons in the closet are much more literal than most, the challenges of their relationship could prove deadly.

Ships: Namjin, Jikook/Kookmin, Sope/Yoonseok

Categories: Hitmen + Assassins AU, Coffee Shop AU, Non-Linear Storytelling

Chapter Wordcount: 3223

AO3 Link: here

It was late morning in the cafe when the man walked in. The morning swarm had finally cleared, and it was now the quiet before the sad, desperate souls of the afternoon crowd came stumbling in for their pick-me-ups. This was especially true for the pencil-pushers of the surrounding businesses, who came and left in a haze of overworked dead eyes. It really made Hoseok question whether or not to go into business like everyone else. Well, that was a problem for the future.

In the meantime, he was busy killing time, slowly refilling the straw stand one straw at a time, all the while contemplating the next part of his scheme to woo his ever aloof coworker, Yoongi. The first part had gone relatively well. After three months of working together, Yoongi finally knew his name and was no longer fucking it up.

Hoseok indulged in a giant mocha macchiato with coconut milk that day to celebrate.

Now, step two, small talk.

Okay, maybe that was too much. Best not get too greedy. One should always set realistic goals for oneself. Maybe just saying ‘hi’. That sounded good.

As he set about testing out different tones for the procedure, the familiar chime of the door rang and a tall figure ambled into the cafe.

Hoseok brightened when he recognized the man as a regular. He had only been working in the cafe for about five months or so, and he had no idea when the man started coming in for his coffee. But one thing was for sure, the man sure knew how to get the staff’s gossip mill going. A primary contributor to the constant gossip was the fact that, to this day, no one knew the man’s name.

At some point he was just dubbed Tall, Pink, and Handsome by some of the female staff, and the rather apt name stuck.

Nowadays, almost everyone who took his order just scribbled TPH on his cup, and that was the end of that. The man didn't seem to mind, and if the stories were to be believed, had even thrown a ridiculously cute aegyo at the person who had finally explained the meaning to him.

Hoseok was in the minority who decided to have some fun with the nameless one. After some hardcore nosing around and an aggressive application of his sunshiny charm, he had found out that the man had a soft spot for Disney, and the princesses in particular. He now made sure to write down some Disney character’s moniker on the cup, and when possible, he always tried to add a little bit of trivia.

It wasn't something that he would usually do for someone who was essentially a stranger, but Hoseok was good at reading people.

And something told him that the man was due some harmless joy in life.

It was easy to see when the man noticed Hoseok looking his way as he immediately smiled and waved as he made his way over.

Not to be outdone, he did his patented impression of the sun and returned the smile with interest, “Well, look who decided to show up! I was starting to think you were cheating on us with that new coffee shop down the street.”

The man gave a whinnying bark of a laugh before trying to give Hoseok a stern glare. It was completely ruined by the twitching of his lips as he tried to contain the smile, “How dare you question my loyalty, you uncouth rapscallion. I’ll have you know I was on a business trip and was barely holding it together without my beloved coffee. Your coffee beans were haunting my dreams.”

Hoseok snorted at the honestly cringe-worthy melodrama, “Uh-huh. So what’s it going to be today?”

“The usual. I need to get this body back on its usual regime. Something, something, my body, my temple, you know the drill.” He waggled his eyebrows at Hoseok and leaned on the counter, straddling the lines between social dumbass and creepy uncle masterfully.

Hoseok had to roll his eyes before saying, “you are so freaking lame, dude. This is why you're still single, even with that face.”

“Does your manager know you speak this way to your best customer? And I'll have you know I'm hot shit. Civilizations have crumbled for less beautiful faces than this!”

“Let no one tell you you don't have self-confidence.”

“Who needs self-confidence when you got this face?” He even puckered his lips for emphasis.

Hoseok sighed and just called it quits. It was up for debate whether or not this guy was serious, and despite his people reading skills, he truly couldn't say. Instead, he just grabbed a plastic cup and said, “So, one iced almond latte, right?”

The man hummed his approval before trying to lean over the counter to get a better look at the cup. He asked, “What about you? What's it going to be today?”

Hoseok quickly pulled the cup away from view, “Nuh-uh. No peeking! You'll see it when the coffee's done!”

He then proceeded to scribble on the cup for a bit before scuttling off to make the drink. As he went about his business with heating up the milk, he could see the man loitering rather cheerfully by the pastries. The image of the man’s avid interest in the new batch of lobster-decorated cupcakes gave him the perfect inspiration.

He smiled to himself and added a few more scribbles to the side of the cup.

“How about a hint,” the man called. “The anticipation is just killing me.”

“You never heard of ‘delayed gratification’?”

“Wow. ‘Gratification,’ you say? Aren't you confident today. I'll have you know, I've been spoiled. It'll take more that a sad cat doodle and a barely legible ‘Mufasa’ to please me.”

“That’s it. No more business trips for you. You get too uppity after them for any one’s comfort. And what do you mean barely legible!”

“I'm sorry. Your handwriting is no good.”

“You wound me.”

“I'll leave a nice tip?”

“You heal me.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and when Hoseok finally finished up the latte, he tried to make a heart in the foam, but it ended up looking more like a lopsided pear. Mr. TPH didn't seem to mind and quickly turned the cup around to see his writing.

Ariel

The dress worn at the dinner is a combination of all previous princesses’ dresses.

Hoseok felt the bright smile the man gave him was well worth the effort of trying to fit all that writing onto cup. He took a sip of his latte, before waving his thanks and slipping out the door.

Once again, Hoseok was left alone to wonder about the mysterious TPH. At least, Ruth would be happy to know the man had returned. A significant portion of the staff had been mourning the lack of handsomeness in their work life.

Oh, well. That wasn’t his problem. He really needed to get back to his game plan for Yoongi.

+++

Journal Entry 1

March 21, 2013

Okay, so how am I supposed to do this? This is a journal, just to be clear, not a diary. Fucking Seulji said this shit helps clear thoughts and shit, but I think it's just a girl thing.

Okay, fuck. I don't know. Hi, this is Park Jimin, I'm 21 years old, a dance major, oh, and most importantly, a royal fuck up. So much fucking up to be had, I have sowed and reaped the fruits of my fuckery. My crops of fuck ups is plentiful. Oh my god, this is so stupid. Don't ever listen to Seulji. She's the queen of bad ideas.

HOLY FUCK! This whole thing was her fault; what am I talking about? Okay. You know what?

Summary of my recent fuck up: I may have met the love of my life at the club last night, because shit those legs were to die for, the arms as well, oh my god, his face. Who am I kidding? I met God last night. But I also listened to Seulji, who is the devil, and got fucking wasted. And am pretty sure I told Beautiful that I was flexible as fuck, and I was super down to fuck.

And proceeded to prove my point by kicking my leg up, and basically did a vertical split on the man’s shoulder.

Then, the lovely icing on the cake, I'm pretty sure I barfed all over the poor bastard.

FUCK YOU, SEULJI, THIS IS MAKING THE MEMORY WORSE NOT BETTER!!!!

So, thankfully I don't remember shit after, but according to the she-devil herself, this guy probably really has the patience of God, since he apparently helped her drag my sorry drunk ass home.

And now, I will end my misery with ice-cream because fuck you, Seulji, journals don't fucking help.

Worst part is, I won't ever see Beautiful, again, and I'm hungover and don't even have the sore ass to at least say I got a decent lay for my troubles.

I hate my life.

+++

The entire office building was supposed to be empty by this time of night. It was nearing 2 AM, so the fact a lone glowing computer screen was lit in a sea of black screens was an anomaly in and of itself. However, the eerie cast of the light from the screen as well as the dim glow of the exit signs and secondary lighting system made the figure seated in front of a computer seem otherworldly in appearance.

Given the time, the man seemed unusually alert despite his eyes appearing glued to the screen in front of him. He sat with his back straight, motionless - waiting. The silence and stillness permeated everything in the sprawling emptiness of the office space. And time seemed almost frozen.

Then, in the distance, growing slowly but just as ominously and relentlessly as the sound of an oncoming train, echoes of screams drifted into the room, rising from the floors below.

It kept building, and the closer and louder it became, the muted blasts of gunshots and thuds of falling bodies became easily identifiable to the man’s ears.

Everything reached a crescendo, and as quickly as it came, the noises disappeared and silence rang once more.

The man let out a slightly shaky breath, but his face remained impassive as ever.

It was not until a ding from the hallway behind him alerted him to the arrival of the elevator and the subsequent hissing signaled the opening of said elevator doors, that the man finally moved, although it was just to take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose.

Without looking, he spoke, “You’ve really gone and made a mess of things, haven’t you.”

Silence answered him, but this time punctuated by the hair-raising feel of eyes on his back.

He sighed and continued, “I've been waiting for you. Figured you would come here first.”

He didn't expect a reply. Instead, with slow and precise motion, he tugged a USB drive from the computer and placed it to the side, away from him, all the while still not turning around.

“I tried to warn you. Headquarters always know; they always find out. If anything, I was surprised you all managed to keep it quiet for as long as you did.”

Just as he finished speaking, a hand came to rest on his shoulder, sitting uncomfortably close to his neck. He was made all the more aware of the dire circumstances by the thumb running slow, easy circles on the back of his neck.

He swallowed again, “For what it's worth, they didn't hear it from me.”

Finally, he received a response. A soft masculine voice answered him at last, speaking in an unnaturally light tone. If anything, he felt he could almost imagine the gentle smile on the other man’s face, “I know.”

It was readily clear that this was the only reason why they were even speaking, and that he wasn't another casualty to the night.

“What are you doing here, Onew?” The man’s tone was still light, almost jovial, as if this was a surprise run-in with an old friend at the grocers.

Onew would have tried to relax more if the tang of fresh blood wasn't clinging to the other man like an overbearing cologne.

“I wanted to give you this,” Onew indicated the USB. “Everything you want is there. Locations of all offices and safe houses, the comprehensive list of everyone employed, everything you would ever need to wipe them from existence.”

There was a pause, then the other man gave a short laugh.

Onew stiffened when the next words out of the man’s mouth were right next to his ear, his breath tickling the side of Onew’s cheek, “Thank you very much. But I can't help but wonder why you're doing this.”

Ignoring the beads of sweat trickling down his forehead, Onew tried to keep his voice steady as he answered, “My team. I want you to spare my team. We won't stop you; I'll take them out of this, I swear.”

The man hummed, the sound resonating through Onew from their proximity, “That would be a little incriminating for you, wouldn't it?”

“Then you would just have to be a dear and kill them all for me, if it's not too much trouble.”

He finally backed away with a snort, “Never thought you were the gambling sort.”

“Never thought I was either. Key thinks this is a suicide mission you're on.”

“How did you manage to convince him to go along with this?”

“I figure I would just say sorry later.”

Silence took hold of the room once more, and Onew waited on bated breath for the man’s decision. He almost wept in relief when, from the corner of his eye, he watched a hand take the drive.

“When I come for them, make sure you and your team are gone. If I see any one of you -”

“You won't.”

The hand on his shoulder patted him.

“How long do we have?” He couldn't help but ask.

“Now, now, Onew. That would be telling.”

Onew nodded. He didn't want to push his luck, this had already gone better than he had hoped. He felt the man back away, so he went to pick up his glasses.

“Oh, and sorry about the mess.”

Pausing in confusion for a moment, Onew put on the glasses and glanced to the side, taking in the dark, bloody handprint on his shoulder.

He shrugged, “It was an ugly shirt, anyway.”

As he listened to the man’s retreating footsteps, Onew turned to face him for the first time that night.

“Seokjin-ah,” he called and he waited for the figure to turn. “Please don't fuck this up.”

The man just smiled and nodded before disappearing into the elevator.

Onew sighed. Now he just had to figure out how to break the news to the rest of the guys.

+++

Good evening.

Tonight ten are dead after a fire broke out at a local office building on the outskirts of Seoul, bordering Namyangju. The building is one of many ran by Ayao Industries, a local shipping company owned by founder and CEO Lee Beomsoo.

The incident occurred in the early morning hours, when a skeleton crew had been reworking the building’s wiring in preparation for an upcoming remodel. According to the company spokesman, Cha Hakyeon, the fire had started when faulty wiring combined with materials on scene had resulted in the explosion which killed the men. Mr. Cha made it clear that all company personnel are cooperating with local officials as investigations continue.

Concerns regarding whether or not the building was up to code are central to the investigation.

This tragedy follows in the aftermath of another as Mr. Lee and family are still reeling from the loss of their son, Lee Byunghun, in a tragic car accident just three days prior.

Despite personal hardships, Mr. Lee remains adamant the company’s expansion efforts will continue, and construction on overseas offices in Vietnam will remain on schedule. The new location will be dedicated to his late son upon completion.

+++

Journal Entry 2 (Am I supposed to be numbering these?)

March 25, 2013

TALL, DARK, AND BEAUTIFUL SHOWED UP AT MY WORK TODAY!!!!

Apparently, I drunkenly invited him to the book signing, and Seulji gave him the details when I passed out.

Seulji. I may owe this girl some money. A lifetime of alcohol. My first born child. Nah, too much.

But I fucking owe her. O-W-E!

Can I just say drunk me is lame as fuck, though. A book signing? Really? They're giving out free snacks here, but I'm coming off as a real cheapskate, starving college student status notwithstanding.

Fuck, but the guy is hot as fuck. Like gorgeous. So, I already mentioned the hot bod. Like muy caliente. Burn me with your fire, hot, right? But, come on, I’m a realistic guy, and I know it could have been a combination of the club lighting and my beer goggles.

No. Not at all. Nope. He’s not just hot. He’s ADORABLE. He’s got these giant doe eyes and this boopable nose! Does he know he’s lethal cute! Like, he has this kind of face that should be dopey, but he fucken dodged that with a hard pass and slammed straight into wet dreams territory.

Basically, I don't know what he's doing coming to my crappy little bookstore really. Although, he did seem a bit out of touch. Who in their right mind would be that interested in hearing me talk about stocking books. He was probably just humoring me, honestly. I mean it's not much but it pays, not much I can do about that until I graduate. We can't all be international photographers or whatever.

At least I think that's what he does. We ended up ditching the book signing and he took us to dinner. I noticed some equipment in the backseat of the car and some camera stuff. It had gotten kind of awkwardly quiet, so I decided to break the silence by asking him if he had just come back from a shoot.

I think if there are any future outings, I might just have to suggest public transit because he clearly wasn't one of those guys who could multitask talking and driving. The guy almost missed a turn and drove straight into oncoming traffic. Yeah. I wasn't down for that kind of life. No Fast and Furious for this Jimin.

Also, he seemed kind of mad I asked. Though, A+ for hot side glare. I would put up with inexplicable mood swings, if I got to look at those eyes when things got hot and heavy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not easy, but a guy’s got to be honest with himself. And I've dated enough art sorts to know they could be moody.

He wanted clarification apparently, so I had to explain the camera and what not. Maybe he really didn't want to be confused with the film sort. Who knows with these art guys.

Dinner was amazing, and he paid. I think I'm in love.

Feed me. That's all I ask.

Aw, shit. I am easy.

Only down side of the evening was the lack of a kiss. I feel like a kiss after getting dropped off would be mandatory after our rocky start.

Considering the disastrous meet cute, there was no point to being coy now. I want my kiss, damn it.

Whatever. I got his number.

Now, I just have to check the bank and see if I could afford something nice for Seulji. She deserves it.

I take back calling her a she-devil.

+++

“Well? What is your plan for the situation?”

“We had our people on clean up. The fire destroyed most of the evidence. Even if something slips, we have some of the investigators in our pocket. The public won’t know the truth.”

“I really don't give a fuck about the public. How do we get rid of our little problem?”

“You say ‘little problem,’ I say ‘critical disaster.’ I don't think you're taking this situation as seriously as should be warranted.”

“He's one man.”

“He's one of our best men.”

“You said he could be trusted.”

“It seems I was wrong.”

“And now you're saying you can handle it.”

“I will.”

“Let's hope you're not wrong, again.”

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

juvi-lockster, dharyism, and allourheroes for cleaning up my mess!

Next Part: here